Let go of what you cannot change

“One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change”

letting go of things you cannot changeThis week there’s been a focus on love, friendship and relationships, including the relationship with ourselves. It can be bittersweet for some as we remember relationships which are no longer part of our lives; people who are no longer with us. It can also highlight when we’re feeling alone in a situation or our life.

However busy you are, or how big your circle of friends, or networking groups online or offline, you can still feel alone. It can be a very dark place for some that sense of being by themselves. It can also be very reassuring. That you don’t need to rely on others to deal with life, business, challenges. You have everything you need to work things out for yourself. You may need to ask others for help or for particular skills, but you can work it out for yourself.

You cannot change a situation, but you can change your reaction and perception of it. That takes courage! Believe me, it can take a long time to believe enough in yourself to make a decision about something that is very important to you. You can work yourself up into all sorts of states about one thing, (and in my personal experience it’s a small thing that I blow up into something massive), when it really doesn’t deserve that energy or attention.

When you listen to yourself what do you usually hear? Are the mind monkeys shouting loudly that you can’t do something, that it’s all wrong, or doom is just round the corner? Or can you hear that little voice in a whisper, saying “it’s OK! We are where we are, it’s only x, and it’s just one part of my life/business. There’s a way to sort it”. If you allow yourself, I bet the whisper is there 😉

Letting go of things we cannot change

We all love to look back with the benefit of hindsight don’t we? “If only I’d…”, “if this hadn’t happened then…” and so many other phrases we use, and hear others using. But we can’t go back. We can’t change things that have already happened. We can change how we view them, and we can certainly change how we move forward.

It does take courage to let go of what we can’t change, which includes people in our lives. Taking the brave step to listen to yourself, rather than rely on other people’s ideas and solutions, is very liberating. Just like with time – you only have 24 hours a day, you can only do what you can do. You can take action on some things, but have to allow those which others are responsible for to take their course.

You can make plans and contingency plans for situations which may happen. They’re yours to put in place. Whilst we love to put the blame, guilt and shame on someone else, or a situation that’s happened, until we have the courage to say, “I let go of what I cannot change”, we will feel lonely. We’ll feel stuck.

Being stuck in a rut can be very lonely can’t it? You feel that no-one understands you, your situation and certainly no-one can help you. I know, I’ve been there lots of times. Even these last few weeks I’ve felt a bit stuck. There’s been some things which weren’t working for me, yet I wasn’t listening to myself or allowing myself to move from my little rut. In some ways being in a rut is comforting. You know where you are! It took a few conversations with some good friends who reminded me to listen to myself. It was that simple. Hard, but simple.

I’ve no idea why listening to yourself is so hard. Maybe we don’t trust ourselves? Or if we only ever listen to other people we have the fall guy already set up to take the blame when something doesn’t go to plan. It doesn’t matter does it?

So as you start a new week, 8 weeks into the new year, I encourage you to let go of things you can’t change & focus your attention on the things you can. It doesn’t matter that you’re not on track, or haven’t quite done “that thing” you’d wanted to. You can do it now, this week, or sometime in the future.

In life and business, listen to yourself. Trust your instinct and intuition and take the action which you hear whispered in your ear. It may not be easy at first, but once you trust yourself to listen, the whispers get louder and the mind monkeys start to get a bit quieter.

If you feel lonely in your business, remember that you’re not alone. I started the Business Cheerleading Club to support people like you. Please don’t be alone with worries, concerns and your mind monkeys. Let others help you to listen to yourself and move forward in your life and business.

“Building a business can be lonely, isolating and frustrating. Being in a group where you cheer others and receive their support changes everything.” Laura, Dancing with Ease
I’d welcome your thoughts on courage, listening and moving forward. Leave a comment below, or get in touch.
It hits you when you least expect it

It hits you when you least expect it

Today would have been my Mum’s 70th birthday, had she been alive.

Mum June 2008 - a year before she died

Mum June 2008 – a year before she died

Surprisingly, I’ve been OK today. It was last week that it hit me that we were reaching a landmark birthday, and not celebrating it with her, here, with us. I guess it’s also as my birthday is a few days before hers, that I’m reminded that my Mum wouldn’t be wishing me a Happy Birthday in person.

Why do things hit us when we least expect them to? It can be anything, not just those we miss, can’t it? Sometimes children or friends do things which tug at our heart strings and we ‘go to pieces’ don’t we?

This day last year I wrote about life being too short, whatever age people live to. I then went quiet on you for about 9 months! I found 2013 tough. Really tough. Not just the bereavement of a close friend, or the heartache loved ones had caused us, but just the general, everyday stuff. I was struggling to keep going through my life, and really couldn’t share the experiences with anyone else apart from my family and close friends.

It does help though. To share. And to cry. To just say, “Yep, today is tough, but I’m going to get through it”, or “I really miss x, but they wouldn’t want me to be sad”. Little steps are better than no steps at all, aren’t they?

So, whilst I’m sorry we aren’t celebrating as a family group, Mum’s 70th birthday, I know that like me, many friends are thinking about her today, and all she brought to us in her 65 years she was on this earth. I still love you as much as ever Mum.

I don’t know why ‘it’ does it, but I’m sure it does us good.

Picking yourself up

Sometimes we go through tough times. It may be work, family, friendships that cause us to be sad, or low. We may be watching someone die, or caring for someone who is poorly. It’s tough isn’t it?

But we also know whilst we’re doing what we need to do, that it has to come to an end somehow. We have to move on from a friendship that is hurting us; we know that our loved one is going to die and be released from their suffering, leaving us behind. So what can we do?

I’m not sure I’ve got the answers, but having gone through some tough times these last couple of years, all I can do is tell you what I’ve done to pick myself up and move on. We’re all different and cope with situations in different ways. The important thing I’ve learnt is to talk to other people, and find a something to focus on to get me through.

When my Mum died I thought I coped pretty well. I got on with organising and arranging and clearing out her things. It was only 6 months later that I knew I needed help to work through my grief. There was all sorts of emotions going on, and I don’t think I was helped by the fact my Dad started seeing another lady 3 months after Mum died. It’s been a lot to cope with!

I knew that bereavement counselling wasn’t what I needed, so I tried Reiki, with a spiritual healer. She’s been fab, and has helped me so much over the past few years to come to terms with the way of the world. She’s worked with me to ensure I focus on the things I can affect, and my own emotions. I no longer get angry when other people are doing things I can’t affect. It’s helped and has been reassuring.

The credit crunch has affected my business, along with every other business in the country in a dramatic way. My growth plan that started before Mum’s prognosis and the credit crunch meant that I was saddled with expensive premises just when sales halved. It’s taken time to get things straight, change strategy and develop a new way of working to support more women through the Bra Lady network, whilst generating a profit.

The thing I’ve learnt here is to keep trying different things. Don’t give up. If you know your business is needed within the market place, then you’ll find a way of developing it, however slowly. If you’ve got the energy and can afford to keep going with it, just do it. You’ll never be happy until you’ve tried to make it work. However difficult the economy is.

Family life is often challenging. As children grow up they want to do different things. As a parent you want to support them, and ensure they get as many opportunities to do different things. It’s got to the stage in our house that we want to give the boys those opportunities, but we have to work out a way of financially supporting that. For us, it wasn’t a difficult decision. We have a lovely old house that needs work doing to it, so we’ve decided to sell up and move on. What’s the point of having a house we can’t afford to be in, whilst the boys are missing out (and we’re missing out on watching them develop new interests)?

So, whilst the last few weeks have been extremeley challenging in so many ways, I’ve managed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and not quite start all over again, but certainly move on in all areas of my life. The next few months are going to be tough. Moving house and all that entails will be a challenge. But, now we’ve made the decision I feel lighter and more able to look at other parts of my life and put things in perspective.

We only get one chance at life. However tough life seems now, we do need to make the most of it. Use your support network to help you through, and choose some simple tasks to achieve each day. The bigger tasks and decisions will follow when the time is right. Small steps is all we can hope to achieve when we’re sad and upset. Those small steps though will help us move towards the sunshine that we want back in our lives.

I’ve got friends who are newly bereaved, and others are watching their loved ones suffer. I’ve got friends who are struggling with their businesses, or have seen their businesses taken away from them. My son’s friend’s Dad died at the weekend. It’s all around us this sadness and upset. But then we see a new born baby, or a beautiful flower or view, and we know we have to live in the here and now. We have to support our children to grow up and be able to cope with all that life will throw at them. My 10 year old son wrote this in a card he’s sending to his bereaved friend “We hope happiness will come back into your life soon.” .

I made a decision. Better late than never.

Liz Weston founded the New Baby Guides in late 2008 and added Weston Communications (a PR, Marketing and Social Media solutions agency) to the fold  in 2010. In 2011 she bought www.ukbabyshows.co.uk She’s got plans in place for growth for all three businesses in 2012 and has agreed to tell us how she’s made a decision which will enable her to put them in place.

There’s so much going on in my mind right now around “reviews”, “moving on” and “making decisions” so I hope that this blog post makes sense. I’ve made a decision that I’ve found difficult. I’ve decided to let one specific thing go, despite the fact that I’ve been festering on it for months.

The background is that someone said something, about me that was factually untrue. The problem was that it could potentially, have affected an important business relationship for me earlier this year. Thankfully, I had emails in place to show that the suggestion was not true about my approach to my work and there was no fall out from it for me.

I took it so personally though, that someone would do something so self serving, trampling on me as part of his or her attempt to climb the greasy pole. I spent time in the shower, in the car, whilst with the boys, scripting what I’d say to them, when the opportunity arose. I was ready and waiting. And kept on revisiting it, wasting time on it.

But actually, 6 months later, I’ve reviewed everything that both the team and I have achieved in 2011 and decided, that it’s time to move on. To forgive myself – not them, I hasten to add, but myself for wasting time thinking about it. I did what I did and it’s done what it’s done – nothing. A big fat nothing. Just think of the time I could have spent coming up with new business ideas, great headlines and ways to make life better for my team and my family. Reviewing it, I realise that I’ve been nuts.

It’s time to move on.  And give myself a house point for doing it. Better late than never.

Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity. I’m going to make sure that for the rest of what’s left in 2011, I’m going to be prepared, so that when opportunities come along, I get lucky. And then when 2012 begins, we’ll already be ahead of our goals.

 

Moving On

I can’t believe that 3 years ago this week I moved my business out of my home and into premises. Tomorrow I hand the keys back having moved to new more suitable premises for the next stage of my business’ development.

Lots of pebras4mums shopople have said, “I bet your really sad to be leaving here?”. I’m not. It’s been good, but it hasn’t been great. When we  moved there it was the right place for us; very shortly afterwards it wasn’t! And so much has happened in the last 3 years – in my personal life & developing bras4mums, bras4all and The Bra Lady Network. I’m looking forward to moving on, (and look how tiny my boys are – this picture was taken 2 years ago!)

The move itself has been challenging, as I’m sure all moves are – whether it be from home to home, or office to office. There’s always something that happens you can’t control! For me it’s been emails. Frustrating yes, but life threatening? No! So, I’ve been very calm, and am just letting my technical computer support, The IT Dept, sort it out. I’ve got enough to do with sorting the new office out & trying to find everything I need for customers and the Bra Ladies!

Those of you who have followed the story know that a week after we signed the lease on this place, we found out my Mum’s cancer was terminal. She was given 2 years to live at that stage, but only survived another 8 months. I was torn between my business and spending time with her 250 miles away! It was also only a few weeks before the credit crunch hit us all. Remember, 3 years ago? The banking crisis? And the start of the recession? Some say that it’s over, but for those of us in retail, I wouldn’t agree.

So, 3 years on, and the business looks very different from when we stood in the empty shell drinking champagne from plastic cups that my parents had brought. The shop is an empty shell again. But I’m a much wiser business woman! I’ve learnt so much and my business has changed shape tremendously over the years to support women across the UK with a specialist bra fitting service.

What do I need now to run my business from? Well, I’ll be honest – my husband has nicknamed it the ‘Dungeon’! Compared to the high ceilings at the shop, and the whole glass frontage, the office is quite different! It’s smaller, it has low ceilings & is on the ground floor of an old Mill in another part of the town. But it’s not a shop! It’s a warehouse & office. A space to hold stock, a couple of desks & computers. A space to store equipment & boxes. And most importantly it’s a comfortable space in which to sit & talk to customers & Bra Ladies about bras & bra fitting. I know I’m going to be happy there.

I’m so looking forward to handing the keys back in tomorrow once I’ve taken the last items out of the shop, and getting the new office straight. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, but I know I haven’t done as much as I could these last few years. I’m ready to grow and develop myself & that of the Bra Lady network. I’m looking forward to supporting more women with a specialist bra service across the UK. Yes, I could be doing that from anywhere, but Unit 14, will be my home for the next x months.

Here’s to the future – no looking back, no regrets. Simply moving on to pastures new.