Guest Post – Did I Have PND?

I had my daughter two and half years ago and it is only now that I think for the first year and a half I showed elements of having  post natal depression.

I specifically remember my health visitor expressing concerns about the way I was feeling, she did a questionnaire that I know most mums will have experienced and my results came out as borderline post natal depressed and she sat me down and had a really good chat with me about how I felt about being a new mum and how my husband and I were coping together being parents. I am extremely lucky as my husband is a phenomenal dad and very hands on taking my daughter out so that I at least get a few hours to myself to soak in a bath or do the things I just cannot do with my daughter around.

For the first year of daughter’s life I remember everything seemed to get on top of me and i could fly off the handle quite easily and I could be reduced to tears at the drop of a hat. I always felt as if everything i did for her was wrong and questioned everything I did for her, but to those around me I have since been told just thought I was being a neurotic first time mum. It did not help that my daughter at six months of age started to suffer with chronic eczema that would keep her awake most of the night crying and itching so both my husband and I were incredibly sleep deprived.

But for a year and a half I just could not shake the feeling that I was useless, I felt fat and uncomfortable and would comfort eat, but I had no reason to feel this way as I have the most amazing family and friends network all there supporting me, but i felt a little lost and out on a limb as I was until recently the only one of my friends to have a baby and had to make a whole new network of baby friendly friends. I almost had to reinvent myself and i liked who I was before but having my daughter meant that I could not be exactly who I was before.

I tried to return to my job of 5 years and felt like they had forgotten who I was they did not make my return back to work easy and after one month I decided to resign and take another 6 months to get myself together and get my head straight, my daughter had also been very ill for 4 months and a week after I quit my job she was rushed into hospital for 3 days with a serious chest infection that left her with breathing difficulties. It was at this point that I seemed to walk out of a bit of a fog and started to see things a little more clearly and realised that my friends were not cutting me out they just had their own normal everyday lives to get on with, and that I was doing nothing wrong in raising my child I was just learning on the job! And it is a complete lifestyle change.

I have since rearranged and re prioritised my life. And finally know that I am a good mum and now doing two jobs that allow me to work from home and I thoroughly enjoy them. The friends I made from the baby groups I forced myself to attend when my daughter was 3 months old are still with me and we have an amazing time when we meet up which we do regularly. And now all my old friends are now getting married and having kids, one is now having twins and they are changing their priorities and we are meeting in the middle and life seems so much easier.

So did I have post natal depression possibly?? I will never really know if it was just being a first time mum with it’s high’s and lows or if I really needed to be honest and go see my GP I am through it now and feel so much stronger for the experience and I have an amazing daughter and husband that keep me on my toes and make me smile daily!

Guest Post – PND and intrusive thought

I often assumed that post natal depressed mothers would be at home crying about everything, not connecting with their baby and perhaps wishing their old life back – I loved my baby and was out and about every day so it never occurred to me that I would get PND.

It started during one nightly feed/change combo when my daughter was 3 months old. This strange thought came into my head “what would happen if I lifted my daughter by her legs and hit her head against the wall?” Of course I didn’t do it but that’s what started me panicking…what if I was so tired one night I didn’t think about it, it just did it?  I was disgusted with myself. What kind of mother thinks like that? I didn’t sleep for the rest of that night because of the horrible thoughts that I was capable of doing it. I LOVED my daughter, I NEVER wanted her to be hurt, not by anyone especially by me.

Then the thoughts started coming in the day time. I was carrying the buggy across the living room where my daughter was lying on the floor, “what if I dropped the buggy on her?” I ended up being too scared to be alone with my beautiful baby just in case I hurt her; I didn’t want to but was still terrified. I thought I was a bad mother, a failure and social services would take my baby away if I told anyone.

Thankfully, my health visitor picked up on my anxiousness and gently coaxed this all out of me. To start with he recommended I speak to my doctor to get a referral to the Mental health clinic. I was still scared then to say it out aloud to my doctor but I’m glad I did. I received an appointment with the MHC within a few days and my health visitor was on call should I get worried at any time in the meanwhile.

After my initial appointment with MHC it turns out that I was getting PND due to Intrusive thoughts. Its quite common apparently but that fact didn’t console me. I was still getting the thoughts, getting more and more upset.  Medication didn’t help, it just made me numb and unable to move (Great with a newborn!)

I was recommended to have CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) which looks at your thoughts and then the actions that you act on because of the thoughts. I’ve been having the treatment for 5 months now, 1 hour session a week. We don’t talk about my past or how I’m ‘Feeling’ and the majority of time there isn’t any tears!

The treatment is strange, I would have not said that we have touched on anything that actually would help with the Intrusive thoughts…but….all the training and exercises were put to the test last week when my daughter we rushed to hospital. She fell and hit her head due to a febrile convulsion. It was every parent’s nightmare, we thought she was brain damaged and even dead at one point while we were waiting for the ambulance. All the staff at the Childrens hospital were great however they did warn me that she has a 1 in 3 chance of having another convulsion.  I thought because of this I would be clingy and checking on her every few moments but I’m pleased to say that I’m fine. I do check on my daughter as any mother would but not excessively.

If I was going to give any advice to another mother it’s don’t be ashamed in asking for help from family, friends, doctors, health visitors or anyone in fact. Suffering from Post Natal Depression is not a sign that you are a bad mother or a failure, it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain and there is nothing you can have done to prevent it.  Talking about your troubles and concerns with your friends maybe enough but if you feel you are still down then don’t hesitate to speak to your doctor.

This blog was written by first time mum Ellie.

Guest post: How do I stop my child biting?

Helen Adams is Mum to Cami, and writes at Being Mum to Cami. Helen also makes gorgeous cupcakes, and is part of the Social Media Mums team.

Biting is a tough subject, but also a really important one. How do children learn, and how do we teach them? Be good to have your suggestions.

How can cute Cami be a biter?

As a mother to a very full on 2 ½ year old, I find I am constantly trying to teach her right from wrong, and the hardest lesson I am currently trying to teach her is the one about biting!

About a month ago she came home with a bite mark on her face, nursery were not sure at first if it was a bite as they had not witnessed it happening. But by the next morning you could see a perfect set of little nasher marks, my daughter is very good at being able to express herself and has a very good level of speech so was able to tell us who bit her. She has since had a small altercation with the child, who is the nurseries prolific biter, it happened in the morning when we arrived at nursery and then in the afternoon my daughter bit her.

And again a week later she had an incident with a little and very energetic boy at nursery who pushed her into a wall twice while I was with her, I had to ask a nursery worker to step in and reprimand the little boy as he was about to do it again and was really upsetting her. Later that day she bit said little boy.

And again today I picked her up from nursery to find another “I have had an incident tag “ on her peg to be told she was very unprovoked and while playing with a little boy side by side she just turned round and bit him on the shoulder. As a mother I find it quite embarrassing knowing that my child is doing this, but I find it even more daunting to try and get her to understand that biting is a really bad thing to do.

I have decided to try a softly softly approach by showing her on an apple about how much it would hurt if you bit into it and what teeth marks it leaves and tell her that that is what left on her friends arms when she bites them. And talking to her and asking her questions about the behaviour and ask her if she would do that to her cousins or Mummy and Daddy. I have also heard of a technique that involves using one of favourite dollies and do a little bit of role play with her and show her that it makes her dolly cry when she is bitten to try and evoke a reaction from her so that she tells me she understands. I also need to get to the root of why she is biting. She is not a good sleeper and I do wonder if her lack of sleep is contributing to the whole situation?

I don’t want to make the situation worse by harping on at her, as with my bright little button she will do the exact opposite. I want to strike a happy balance of teaching right from wrong while being a very strong parent figure that my daughter respects.

Daily Business Goals and targets

When TJ asked me to write a piece for her blog re goals and targets, I’d just posted on Facebook about an amazingly productive day I had just had:
‘colourwheel creative woo hoo!!! Just call me Anneka Rice ( without the dodgy jumpsuit and helicopter!) I have completed all the work scheduled in for today with 45 mins to spare before the school run!! STOP THE CLOCK!!! – 2 web ads, 1 newsletter ad, 1 flyer amend, 1 logo amend and a flyer design from scratch! come on!!!!’

I’m Michelle and I run colourwheel creative – a graphic design business from home. I have a daughter who is almost 5 and so working from home seemed a good option – I can be a mummy AND I can be me – a graphic designer – a status to which I had studied many years to get to and with 15 years experience in the design industry… didn’t really want to give up!

My days are like most working mums I suppose; running around like a crazy woman in the morning trying to get food down my child, make her look respectable and delliver to school on time! I then have until 3.15 until the school run. So in between 9.15 and 3.15 I need to get as much done as possible…. And to be honest, most days I achieve it… but how?

Her are my tips on hitting your daily business goals and targets:
Imagine your allotted time as a wall planner (like a study plan). Ascertain how long each job will take and when you can realistically start and finish it – and pencil it in. Always allow a little more time than you think it will take in case of enquiries coming in, the phone ringing etc…

The key word here is ‘realistic’… there are only so many hours in the day – you do not have the ability like Superman to turn back or slow down time, so BE REALISTIC. If you commit to too many projects or appointments, you will only put yourself under more pressure and sometimes let your client down – the last thing you want to do.

If your planner is looking busy – cut yourself a bit of slack… something along the lines of “I aim to get your project to you by end of play Weds – if not, Thursday morning”. This way if you get the job there on Thursday morning, you have still hit your deadline – if it’s Weds afternoon you have hit your deadline AND you look good in the eyes of your client.

And be honest with your client… don’t promise the moon on a stick if you can’t deliver it! If you can’t fit a job in that day or that week then explain when you can start it and when you plan to deliver it.

When your projects are in the planner the most important thing now is to STAY FOCUSSED…. there are so many distractions out there.. (and I’m as much as a culprit to this one as everybody else!). If you have a urgent project to complete … turn off your social networking pages, allot yourself a lunch hour – and stick to it… watching Loose Women won’t pay your bills or make your clients happy.

Realise what is urgent and what isn’t. If you need to count out flyers to send out to a exhibition company for an event which is a few months away, then don’t do it during the day when you have lots of work in.. these types of jobs can be done in the evening when the children are asleep, you’re watching the TV with the other half and having a glass of wine.

Finally, note when you are most productive. I seem to get the most done in the morning, I’m more focussed and more alert. With this in mind I look at the jobs ahead of me for that day and get lots of the smaller ones out of the way first. This gives me a sense of achievement that I am getting through my jobs, my ‘to-do’ list is shorter and it then leaves me time in the afternoon focus on a larger project.

The above seems to work for my graphic design business and me, and I hope some of my tips can help you have a more productive and manageable week! Good luck!

Michelle Wright
Colourwheel creative – graphic design for your business and family
www.colourwheelcreative.co.uk
fb: www.facebook.com/colourwheel

Time Management – A job in itself?

Today’s guest post is from Liz Weston of Weston Communications

Tackling time management is not an end in itself…..

Time management. I love this phrase. It’s the sort of phrase that sounds like I could be in control of things. It’s actually a very emotive topic in our house and business – we’re both self employed, so it’s we each need to manage our own time and work schedules, as well as our family stuff. I hate trying to manage my time, because it never ends up being a time management activity. It evolves into so many other things.

What’s your time management strategy?

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