It’s FAB being 40!

Me and OH celebrating my 40th birthday

I know lots of people worry about getting older. Or hitting ‘significant’ numbers, like 40. But to me, it’s just another year. It’s only a number. I still feel like I’m 18, and wish I had the freedom I did then….but then I’d miss my children & all the things I’ve experienced in the last 22 years wouldn’t I?

We can’t turn back the clock. So why not just enjoy life as it is for today? I am, and I’m feeling FABULOUS 🙂

I shared my 40th birthday weekend with friends in youth hostel style accommodation in the Peak District. Each family had their own room, and we all shared the cooking and cleaning; entertaining the children and each other. It was great. Just being with people I love was enough, but I was spoilt with some beautiful and thoughtful presents from them all.

Looking back over the last 40 years I’m proud with my achievements. There’s some things I’m ashamed of. Other things I wish I’d done differently. But everything I’ve done has shaped me to be me. As I am now. At 40.

Some people see me as a Mum of 2 lovely boys. Others see a business woman with a growing business. Some of my friends and family view me as a supporter in times of trouble, or someone to hold their hand when they need it. I’m the one they can rely on to do things, or organise something, or just be there for them.

I couldn’t be all these things without having done the things I have over the years. Experience does bring different attitudes and behaviour.

I’m looking forward to the year ahead even more. The weekend was a great celebration, and all the lovely comments from people have been a great support to me. Thank you everyone for your good wishes.

And for anyone reaching this milestone – EMBRACE IT and make the most it. Just like every other day of your life.

How much do you let ‘him’ get away with?

I’m a patient person. I enjoy doing things for other people. But when my husband is supposed to share the household chores, childcare and organising things, and then doesn’t, I get very angry and annoyed. Do you?

Peak District

I told him 4 years ago what I wanted to do for my 40th birthday – get a big property and go away with friends & family for the weekend…..I’ve organised it all. I don’t mind, but thought he may have taken on some responsibility for sorting it. My friends would have happily taken on the task if he’d asked. He didn’t.

And I know that his Dad has been poorly, and his Mum hasn’t been good. But, there are 9 families going this weekend. Each family is contributing to the food for the weekend. He’s just gone to bed and asked if ‘our food’ is all sorted! The meat chilli for 18 is currently cooking on the hob & the kitchen is filled with ingredients for the chocolate cake I’m planning on making. ARRGGGHHH!

The only thing I’ve asked him to ‘do’ for this weekend is sort out someone to take a stereo system…..it now turns out he hasn’t and we’ve now got to fit that into the car as well!

Does getting angry and having a row help? We’ve probably only had a couple of rows in our 15 years of being together. Is my manner too mild to provoke a reaction and MAKE him clean the bathroom, or tidy his clothes up? Would he actually do something if I reacted differently? Or would it just wind me up even more and affect our children detrimentally?

It’s not going to spoil my weekend, because I didn’t expect much. But, it’s my 40th birthday that I asked him to plan 4 years ago…..

Any ideas greatfully received!

When you just can’t stop crying

I’ve been stunned by my reactions tonight. I’m sat here with damp, ok, wet, eyes, having been crying. I’ve tried to stop, but the harder I try, the more I cry. I haven’t cried in ages, so why now?

I’m tired I guess. I had a very late night with friends last night, but a very enjoyable evening was had by all. I’ve been doing accounts all afternoon. I got soaked watching no.2 in his u7 football match this morning. And I’m only just warming up! But that’s not the real reason.

The waterworks started when I was writing all the instructions for my friends who are coming away in 2 weeks time to celebrate my 40th birthday. No, I’m not upset that I’m 40. It’s just another birthday to me. Yes, it’s a ‘big one’, but so what? I’m just using it as an excuse to get friends together in one place at the same time to share food and party games and have a great time together. I want all our families to meet each other again – some people haven’t met since our wedding 13 years ago! A lot has happened since then!

No, it’s because I’m missing my Mum. I haven’t missed her this much for months. If she was on this earth now, she’d have been planning and plotting surprises for me. Not expensive things, but she’d be making me a handmade card, she’d be searching the shops for a present suitable for her daughter’s 40th birthday – a memorable occasion. If she’d have been visiting the party (which I’m sure would have happened), she’d have brought ‘things’ – nibbles, drinks that no-one ever usually drinks; party games & little things for the children. She’d have had such fun in planning these treats as she got great pleasure from sharing and giving.

So why am I crying? I have no idea! Am I trying to think of all the things she would have done and replicate them? No, I can’t afford it. I also don’t need to – the 10 families who will be there are all bringing things to share. My best friends are helping me plan and organise it (I had told OH what I wanted 4 years ago, but I’m still organising it myself!), and it’s going to be lovely. But I just MISS HER. I wish she was here so I could share my weekend with her. I wish I could get a text from her or hear her speak again wishing me “Happy birthday”.

Even though I know she’s with me in spirit, I guess it takes big occasions in your life to make you realise just how much you miss someone.

I love you and miss you Mum, and these tears are all for you, and the love and laughter that you shared unconditionally.