We’ve just come back from a lovely family weekend, supporting no1 son at an athletics event. He competed in three events over the two days, and I was amazed at his maturity, which I want to share.
He’s always been a keen sportsman, and I’m sure his school friends will remember him as the one who always won things. We do have a plethora of medals, trophies and certificates, but we’ve always tried not to focus on that. It’s always been about the “taking part”, and “being part of a team”. However, as he gets older, and is focusing on one or two sports, it’s starting to get a bit more serious.
For someone who is used to winning things, he’s always struggled when he comes second, or doesn’t get through to a final. He will choose not to take part in something, rather than ‘know’ he can’t win it. I’m sure he’s not alone in this, but we still encourage being part of school teams, even in sports he doesn’t excel in. He’s even like this when we play Pass the Pigs, or Monopoly!
His main sport is athletics. Decathlon to be precise. Yes, that’s the 10 track and field events which Daley Thompson brought to our attention back in the 1980s. The thing with no1, is that he’s always been an all round sportsman. Good at everything, which is perfect for a combined eventer.
So, this weekend, having moved to a new age group, U17, his coach wanted him to compete in three individual events. He’s shown us that he’s growing up, and can see the long term picture. This is a new development for us to see from him, and I wanted to share that it can, and obviously does happen to our children, even when we doubt they’ll get there, let alone quickly, (in our eyes).
How do we know he’s growing up?
As usual, no1 set himself some goals for the events he was competing in. On day one, he didn’t achieve his goal for long jump, but what he did do, he decided, and then told us, was that he found some fairly consistent technique. From what we saw, he looked more relaxed overall.
Day 2, today, he competed in 200m, which he doesn’t have to do in his combined events. It was simply a training session, and he got a personal best, even with slowing down towards the line. He literally went straight from the end of the race to the high jump, where he achieved a personal best, a height higher than his goal for this event.
His telling comment when we left this afternoon, was, “no medals, but I’m happy”. Wow! That’s a big turn up for us all. He’s looking at each event as a stepping stone for his goal of getting to the Olympics in 2024. He knows he doesn’t need to win things now. As we were all reminded on Saturday, when Dame Jessica Ennis-Hill was presented with a momento by Northern Athletics, she came 15th in her first big competition. Yes, she went on to get lots of podium positions, and win lots of events, but not whilst she was learning her craft.
We believe, no1 is growing up, as he’s realising that everything he’s doing now is helping him to learn his craft. He has to learn to control his mind, and believe he can achieve. He has to learn how to cope when he doesn’t win everything, as it’s highly unlikely he’ll be the best at all 10 events in a decathlon. He has to learn that things don’t always go your way. You may not get the best preparation for one event. You may even have an injury, (we’ve been lucky up until now, and hope to remain injury free).
Helping our young people growing up
I’m sure there are numerous ways we can support our young people whilst they’re growing up. I know there’s a balance between boundaries and freedom to explore. We have to let our young people set their own goals, and believe in themselves. We always have to believe in them, and know that they are growing up. They are all learning from the world around them, those of us close by, and what they see and hear in the world.
We can’t protect our young people, but we can love them and care for them. We can help them realise their dreams, and believe in them. We must not put barriers in their way, but work with them to overcome any obstacles which may be perceived.
Let’s just hope this new found maturity spills over to all areas of no1 life, and what he learns from his sport, can be put into practice in other areas, where he doesn’t come first, but he can still succeed. If he believes in himself, and if he puts his mind to it.
I’d love to know what you see in the young people growing up near you. Do they believe in themselves?
Really interesting TJ. ‘Everything they do helps them learn their craft.’ I hope my two can take that on board and appreciate they can’t ‘win’ every time.
I’m not sure it’s the easiest thing to learn, for any of us! In business, and sometimes in personal life, we talk about “quick wins” don’t we? However, if we can show our children that the things in our own lives have been building blocks for our careers, and lives, then I think it will help them learn these skills. Any other ideas?