Let go of what you cannot change

“One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change”

letting go of things you cannot changeThis week there’s been a focus on love, friendship and relationships, including the relationship with ourselves. It can be bittersweet for some as we remember relationships which are no longer part of our lives; people who are no longer with us. It can also highlight when we’re feeling alone in a situation or our life.

However busy you are, or how big your circle of friends, or networking groups online or offline, you can still feel alone. It can be a very dark place for some that sense of being by themselves. It can also be very reassuring. That you don’t need to rely on others to deal with life, business, challenges. You have everything you need to work things out for yourself. You may need to ask others for help or for particular skills, but you can work it out for yourself.

You cannot change a situation, but you can change your reaction and perception of it. That takes courage! Believe me, it can take a long time to believe enough in yourself to make a decision about something that is very important to you. You can work yourself up into all sorts of states about one thing, (and in my personal experience it’s a small thing that I blow up into something massive), when it really doesn’t deserve that energy or attention.

When you listen to yourself what do you usually hear? Are the mind monkeys shouting loudly that you can’t do something, that it’s all wrong, or doom is just round the corner? Or can you hear that little voice in a whisper, saying “it’s OK! We are where we are, it’s only x, and it’s just one part of my life/business. There’s a way to sort it”. If you allow yourself, I bet the whisper is there 😉

Letting go of things we cannot change

We all love to look back with the benefit of hindsight don’t we? “If only I’d…”, “if this hadn’t happened then…” and so many other phrases we use, and hear others using. But we can’t go back. We can’t change things that have already happened. We can change how we view them, and we can certainly change how we move forward.

It does take courage to let go of what we can’t change, which includes people in our lives. Taking the brave step to listen to yourself, rather than rely on other people’s ideas and solutions, is very liberating. Just like with time – you only have 24 hours a day, you can only do what you can do. You can take action on some things, but have to allow those which others are responsible for to take their course.

You can make plans and contingency plans for situations which may happen. They’re yours to put in place. Whilst we love to put the blame, guilt and shame on someone else, or a situation that’s happened, until we have the courage to say, “I let go of what I cannot change”, we will feel lonely. We’ll feel stuck.

Being stuck in a rut can be very lonely can’t it? You feel that no-one understands you, your situation and certainly no-one can help you. I know, I’ve been there lots of times. Even these last few weeks I’ve felt a bit stuck. There’s been some things which weren’t working for me, yet I wasn’t listening to myself or allowing myself to move from my little rut. In some ways being in a rut is comforting. You know where you are! It took a few conversations with some good friends who reminded me to listen to myself. It was that simple. Hard, but simple.

I’ve no idea why listening to yourself is so hard. Maybe we don’t trust ourselves? Or if we only ever listen to other people we have the fall guy already set up to take the blame when something doesn’t go to plan. It doesn’t matter does it?

So as you start a new week, 8 weeks into the new year, I encourage you to let go of things you can’t change & focus your attention on the things you can. It doesn’t matter that you’re not on track, or haven’t quite done “that thing” you’d wanted to. You can do it now, this week, or sometime in the future.

In life and business, listen to yourself. Trust your instinct and intuition and take the action which you hear whispered in your ear. It may not be easy at first, but once you trust yourself to listen, the whispers get louder and the mind monkeys start to get a bit quieter.

If you feel lonely in your business, remember that you’re not alone. I started the Business Cheerleading Club to support people like you. Please don’t be alone with worries, concerns and your mind monkeys. Let others help you to listen to yourself and move forward in your life and business.

“Building a business can be lonely, isolating and frustrating. Being in a group where you cheer others and receive their support changes everything.” Laura, Dancing with Ease
I’d welcome your thoughts on courage, listening and moving forward. Leave a comment below, or get in touch.

Are you working on the right things

“No one but you sees your dreams. No one can sue you for libel for writing them down. No one can fact-check you or object to a fanciful turn of events” Graeme Greene

no one can tell you your dreams aren't rightI had an interesting week last week. How was yours? I felt I was walking through treacle, and everything was so slow. It was frustrating in one way, but I allowed myself to take one, slow, step at a time. I was following a plan to get some things done.

Then at the end of the week, as I was putting the final touches to a piece of work, I was reminded that what I was trying to do wasn’t what I really wanted to do. It had the wrong slant. It wasn’t for my customer. I needed to change what I’d planned to fit with my long term vision of supporting business owners to listen to themselves and serve your customers better.

Mmm. Another lesson! At the start of January when I wrote my plans out, I felt that what I wanted to create was a good fit for me. Looking back, I’ve no idea why I felt that was right. It doesn’t matter now. I’ve shelved that piece of work, and will be starting the “real” one that fits into my business for my clients, and the one thing that people have been asking for. NOT creating something which I think they want or need.

The other lesson I learnt last week, was that life is all about tweaking, and ensuring our structure is right. I learnt this from a visit to a chiropractor with my son. He’s been unwell and having a few injury problems for a few months, which is totally unlike him. I decided that we needed to do something different, as what we’ve been trying hasn’t been working.

The chiropractor started identifying if he was having the right nutrition to fuel his body. He was deficient in one area, which is impossible to fuel from daily food intake. Luckily for our household food bill, it’s an easy one to fix with a high dose of vitamin C every day.

Then he started tweaking his structure. He’d identified by looking at him that he was off balance in his body. The lower back pain was being caused by his neck being out of alignment, (this is very common, and I’ve had this adjustment done in the past too). So he tweaked his neck back into place and his posture immediately altered. Even his smile returned after a few more adjustments and a conversation which went along the lines of “getting your structure in the right place for you, will make you strong. From this you can train and get your technique better, and you’ll be in the best physical condition to develop your ambition”. No wonder his smile returned!

I’m sharing this story with you, not to help you with any physical adjustments you may need to make yourself, so you’re strong in yourself. Simply as a reminder that your core values and core structure are important to growing your business. Go a little bit off and it won’t feel right. You’ll feel wonky, or like you’re walking through treacle just like I was last week. Once I’d realised, I felt much better. I was no longer trying to do something that was part of someone else’s “formula” for success. I’m back on track understanding my own clients and my own business, and doing what’s right for me.

Are you following your dreams or someone elses?

Whilst I love hearing about your dreams and ambitions, they are just that – your dreams. For you to plan to bring to life when the time is right for you. No-one is going to tell you that you’ve done it wrong as your dream is different from their dream. Being clear what your dreams are will help you achieve them. Keep them in mind as you plan what you want to achieve this week.

In the 13 week planner for busy people, there’s a page for your monthly focus which has at the centre of the page a place for you to write your focus. However you do your planning, keep your dream and your focus at the heart of what you do. If something’s not working at the moment you may just need a slight tweak to your structure, or how you do something to make it work better for you.

It’s worth taking the time to adjust. Once you’ve re-adjusted yourself, you’ll find that you’re back on an easier smoother path to achieve what you want.

If you need help working out what your deepest dreams are that you want to pursue, book a Find your Why session. You’ll get a long way in our 3 hours together to understanding what’s at the heart of you.

Let me know what your dreams are, or if you’ve had similar situations where you’ve realised you’re not on the right track. What have you done? Leave a comment below.

Perseverance is taking small steps to achieve success

” Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.”Walter Elliot
perseverance and commitment to achieve successYou may still be in planning phase of the year, or exploring what your options are to achieve your goals. Or you may be like me, and the more I do the more I realise I need to do as everything is interlinked. Phew! It’s been a busy week, and there’s no let up in sight.Where ever you’re at right now, you’ll know that it’s your consistency which will bring you closer to the goals you’ve set yourself. The cycle of planning – action – learn – review is ever present in our lives. If we skip one part we won’t grow in our learning, or we’ll continue to do things which don’t work for us, or our business.

I’ll tell you about  my week. I think it may make you smile. I’m sharing because I’m learning all the time, and if I can help you learn too, then you’ll get to your destination quicker than I have!

Learning by taking small steps

I’ve been setting up new systems this week, and creating new resources for business owners. Yes, I know, so what? Everything I’ve done, or created has links with other parts of the business, so I’ve either had to update another website, or a link in an automated email, or a payment link or a blog post…..and I keep coming across things which need updating.

It’s not that the pace of change is particularly large, but my learning of new systems and tools has been huge this week. It’s also reminded me that I need to be very clear about what I’m aiming for (long term goal), to understand where each little piece of the jigsaw fits in. IF I don’t change this bit of X now, then it’ll have the effect of Y, either now, or in a few months time.

See what I mean? Some days it’s felt like I’m going around in circles. Where I’d allocated 5 minutes for a task, when I did that task, I found I needed to change X, Y and Z, so it turned into an hour long job! So, each “short race” I’ve been doing, is turning into a longer one which I hadn’t planned for. But, if I don’t complete the long race, I can’t move a step closer to my goal.

Phew! No wonder it’s been an exhausting week! So much thinking, and planning, and doing. And yes, going around in circles can be energy zapping too! But it’s been a lesson for me to keep clear notes about what links with what, so that next time I can change things more quickly.

Staying focused on your long term vision will help you with each “small race” you need to do. Being consistent, and sticking with a task or project until it’s complete may be hard going sometimes, but it’s worth it. Your business is putting in systems and structures to help it grow. Being clear about what’s right for you will mean you’re staying on track.

Have you been struggling to maintain your motivation during this current phase of your business growth? Let me know. Share and let’s work out some next steps.

I’m looking forward to this week’s monthly workshop. This month Alice Bromage from Empowering Success will be helping us with our motivation, which can wane when our energy gets low, or we can’t see results. You can join me here, if you’re not already a business club member:

What’s your challenge this week?  Leave a comment below.

Are you ignoring your dreams?

” Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Gandhi
happiness in life and businessIn my family, we use the time over the holiday period to talk about the things we’d like to do in the year ahead. We don’t always look back at what we loved about the previous year, as we tend to review as we’re going along. But we always spend time looking forwards. As a family of four, we listen to each other, ask questions so we understand what each other mean when we talk about the thing we mention. And if there’s things we want to do together, we add it to our family wall planner.Yesterday, I asked the family what they’d like to do in the next 7 years, as I was creating an outline plan for one of my businesses. When I asked the question, my husband said he’d like to retire in 7 years time. If I hadn’t have asked the question, would he have been so open? I doubt it, as he’s not for sharing what’s in his head usually. As he said, he’d have spent the next 6 and half years thinking about it and wanting to do it, and the last 6 months getting everything in place to hopefully retire in the way he wants to. Now, by being clear about his intention, we can look at things together, and plan for the day when he finishes work, so that he can retire in the best way of him.

My teenage boys responses were interesting too. “I’ve no idea” said the 17 year old. The 14 year old said, “all I know is I want good GCSE and A-level results and play sport to the highest level I can”. He then went on to state, “I guess I need to define what I mean by “good”!” I think they may be learning something! A year ago, the eldest had dreams of being at the 2024 Paris Olympics. When I asked him about that yesterday, he said he still like to, but he’s not sure if that’s everything now.

From vague to clarity. What are you clear about?

So from real clarity from my husband, to the having dreams and not wanting to admit to them, and knowing some important milestones, I think they did a pretty good job of sharing with me yesterday. Now we’ve talked about it, we can all help each other to put plans in place, and take the steps to achieve those goals, or explore the dreams even more.

Do you know what your aiming to do in 7 years time? Does that sound so far away that you don’t like thinking about it? Some business owners I was with this morning felt that 7 years was way outside their comfort zone to be thinking about. One said, “I can’t even get my plan sorted for the next 7 days, let alone weeks!”.

I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make. At the start of the year it’s a great opportunity to dream. I didn’t ask for detail from my family. My own business planning was about long term dreams, which then helped me create some milestones, and this week I’ll work on the more detailed one year plan to achieve the first year milestones. You don’t need to know what you want to do this week, to dream about where you want to be this time next year.

However, if you know that you too want to retire in 7 years time, you can start to work out how much money you want in the bank, or in your pension in 7 years time to live the life you want in retirement. You can start dreaming about what you’d like to do with your time in retirement – travel, time with friends, family, more time for your hobbies, walking. You may not know the detail, but if you know you want to travel, how much money will need to have for each part of your journey? Is it 5 star travel, or backpackers accommodation you’ll be looking at? That will help you to budget over the next 7 years to ensure you have everything in place for your happiest of retirements.

If you’re dreaming about something, but don’t tell others, how can they help you achieve it? If you don’t dare write it down, or add it to your list of what you want to do, how will ever get around to making plans to achieve it?

The business owners who’ve being doing 5 day Get off the blocks free challenge have found what’s come up for them has been exciting. They’ve allowed themselves time to think and wonder, and then put a few outline plans in place. It’s amazing what you can do in 20-30 minutes a day. Are you ready to grow your business too? The challenge will remain available, and has an online forum for your support. If you need something to get you out of the blocks at this time of year, I’d be delighted to support you.

If you need more specific help or support, the launch price for the Business Cheerleading Club ends this Saturday. You can choose the level of support that suits you, your business and your budget. If you need help understanding what’s right for you, message me.

Join the free 5 day business challenge to get off the blocks

” I’m 3 days in and already have more focus than I’ve had in a long while. Thinking much more about what I want from my business ventures and how to balance it with family and free time. It’s really good to be guided and supported, and Tracey-Jane seems to have a limitless supply of encouragement ” Lora, previous 5 day challenge participant

Have you got a clear vision for you and your business for the year ahead? Next 7 years? I’d love to hear what it is.

Happiness comes from your own actions

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
Dalai Lama

happiness from actionsI enjoy the whole preparing for Christmas, thinking about, and buying gifts. Finding new recipes and creating menus and food. Welcoming people into our home and our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I love receiving gifts, but I think this year I got so much happiness from sharing with others that that was my perfect Christmas gift. Sharing love and joy with family and friends..

What’s made you happy this week? Was it something ready made, or did it come from your own actions?

As you prepare to welcome the new year in, what are you wanting to achieve? Are you looking at creating more happiness in your life, or with your family? Does that happiness revolve around your business, or are you planning on making some changes in other parts of your life?

Whether you’re looking to eat more healthily, or do more exercise, or spend more time with your family and friends in the new year, you’ll only achieve this if you take the actions to make them happen. I encourage you to set the intentions for the year ahead, and then look at the small changes you can make to take the actions you need.

If you want to eat more healthily but have so much unhealthy food left in the fridge, what can you do with it so you can start the year as you mean to go on? Sometimes it’s worth just giving things away, or throwing them out so we can make a clean start and just look forward.

The same in your business. Those business owners who’ve spent the past 5 days focusing on their business for 20-30 minutes a day, in the Get off the blocks free challenge have found the time illuminating. The words “excited”, “this is going to be good”, and “I’m feeling ready” have already been shared. They’re looking forward and are taking small steps to grow their business in the year ahead. Are you ready to grow your business too?

Your business won’t grow itself. There’s no magic beans you can plant to grow it, like Jack’s Beanstalk in the fairy tale. I know it takes time. I know it’s not always easy, or fun. But what will happen if you don’t grow your business this year? Maybe this is the time for you to consider all your options for growing your income, and it’s not just about your business. That’s OK. Making decisions which are right for you and your family aren’t ever a bad thing. There’s no failure in trying things and realising you don’t like them. Not everything makes you happy. But there’s lots of things that do.

If I can encourage you to be inspired to take action this year, I know you’ll be happier. Your happiness will spread to your family and friends, workers and team members. You need to know where you’re wanting to go before you can make your plans, but I know it’s worth the time and effort you’ll put in. I heard this week that some research showed that successful people make decisions quickly and change their minds slowly. I know that when I make decisions quickly I can get to the actions quicker, and start learning what I need to do next. What about you?

As you welcome in the new year, and set your intentions for the year ahead, think about the joy and happiness you want to share with others, and have in your life. If happiness is at the heart of all you do, I know you’ll have fantastic year.

If you’re ready to gett off the starting blocks for the year ahead, join the 5 day challenge, which is available now for you to start when you’re ready. Spend 20-30 minutes a day focusing on your business, or your mission, or simply yourself and start the year with confidence.

Join the free 5 day business challenge to get off the blocks

” I’m 3 days in and already have more focus than I’ve had in a long while. Thinking much more about what I want from my business ventures and how to balance it with family and free time. It’s really good to be guided and supported, and Tracey-Jane seems to have a limitless supply of encouragement ” Lora, previous 5 day challenge participant

Whatever you’ve got going on this week, and however you find reflecting and planning works for you, I wish you and your family a very happy and prosperous new year.

Leave a comment to let me know what’s making you happy at the moment.

What do you have to lose when you set your goal?

“Go big or go home. Because it’s true. What do you have to lose?” 
Eliza Dushku


what do you have to lose Go big or go homeAs we come to the end of the year, with excitement around us, and hopefully inside us too, what are you celebrating this year? Even when sad things happen, or we’ve had difficult times, there’s also a little spark to keep us hopeful about the future. Sometimes we need to search for it, but it’s always there.

It’s a time of year for reflecting and reviewing, but also looking forward. The “Go big or go home” quote is intended to get you to think about the future. If you want to do something, what’s stopping you? Big, to me, doesn’t refer to material things, but our lives in general.

If you’re called to share your talents and ideas with the world, what’s the point of whispering? Many people won’t hear you first time anyway, so you need to keep telling your story, with as many people as possible. Going big is about telling the world, over an over. As Eliza says, “what do you have to lose?” I see many business owners hiding their talents away, and I encourage you to stop hiding. The new year is a perfect time to take bold steps forward and do things differently.

As you reflect and review and think about the year ahead, what’s going to be big for you? What are you going to shout about and ensure others know about you? This time of year people are busier than ever, so shouting won’t help. Just being there and doing what you do so well so people remember you is all you can do. Do it well and they’ll tell others about you.

If you’re ready for getting off the starting blocks for the year ahead, then join our 5 day challenge, which is available to start from 27th December. Spend 20-30 minutes a day focusing on your business, or your mission, or simply yourself and start the year with confidence.

Join the free 5 day business challenge to get off the blocks

” I’m 3 days in and already have more focus than I’ve had in a long while. Thinking much more about what I want from my business ventures and how to balance it with family and free time. It’s really good to be guided and supported, and Tracey-Jane seems to have a limitless supply of encouragement ” Lora, previous 5 day challenge participant

Whatever you’ve got going on this week, and however you find reflecting and planning works for you, I wish you and your family a fantastic week.

Share a comment below what you’re doing this week & commit to getting off the blocks by having nothing to lose.