Being bullied because you’re different

I’m not sure there’s anyone who hasn’t been bullied at some time in their life. It’s horrid. Many of us have been the bully who’s been unkind to others because we didn’t understand that being different is part of being human. Yet the bullying cycle continues.being bullied for being unique

Where do bullies hang out?

Bullies are part of our everyday existence unfortunately. They are everywhere. For some people they don’t feel able to get away from them.

They’re at school, at home, in the workplace, in the sports team, in the parents group, in the social group, in the religious community. They are everywhere, even where we least expect it. But they are part of our lives so we need to learn that being different is actually what we’re meant to be. It’s those who try to mould us into their image who are different from the rest of us.

I was bullied for being different

At primary school I was bullied for being different. In my village I was bullied for being different.

I lived in a village 3 miles from school and I was driven there every day. There were only two families who travelled from my village, (in fact we lived in the same road), to this school. Everyone else got the bus from the top of the road to the other local primary school. So I was different in every place I wanted to fit in.

My parents chose the primary school for all the right reasons. They loved me and wanted the best for me and my brother. Yet their choice made us stick out like a sore thumb. I didn’t fit in anywhere.

We went to church 7 miles away. Our lives were connected from my young childhood with communities further away from my local community. I felt different everywhere, yet I knew I was loved.

Trying to fit in

When all you want to do is fit in and be the same as everyone else, as a young child you do everything you can to make yourself the same. Yet you never can. You’ll always be different. You’ll always be unique.

When I went to secondary school it was easier as I was with a group of girls who I think all felt different in their own way. We had all passed the 11+ and all travelled miles to go to school each day. We were together in our uniqueness and own brilliance. Yet we still all tried to fit in with “the crowd” we most identified with.

When you try and fit in with a crowd you often try and hide part of your unique self. You may start listening to music that those in the group you want to be with listen to, even though it’s not your favourite. You may start watching a particular TV programme or youtube channel because others in that group do and you want to be able to talk about with them. Or, you may stop doing something you love because you believe this is what’s stopping you from fitting in.

Growing up is unique to each of us

Whilst we all develop through the same stages of life, with body changes, hormone changes and learning life skills and social skills, we’ll all do this at different times. When I had my children I was given a “red book” to chart their development, mainly their weight to start with, and I was led to believe they had to follow a particular curve or they’d be classed as freaks.

Needless to say, as a breastfeeding mother, when I learnt that the tables used were based on formula fed babies I stopped attending baby clinic as my babies would never follow the ‘pattern’ as set out in the book. They were unique and I knew and understood their health and development better than anyone. [I’m sure someone will take me to task on this as I know not everyone is aware of their baby’s or child’s health or development. That may be a conversation for another day.]

So now as a mother of two healthy, happy teenage sons, having watched them discover their uniqueness and watching them trying to fit in to all sorts of groups, I understand even more that growing up is totally unique for each and every one of us.

Each of us have different parents, with different values, come from different cultures with different family traditions, and are all told different things by those closest to us. If our parents have different values to each other that can cause difficulties within the home environment. We may feel drawn to one perspective more than the other, or spend more time and be influenced by one carer in our life more than others. That will shape us.

Yet we’re still unique and different.

Being listened to helps you be yourself

If you are in an environment where you’re listened to, and allowed to be yourself and share your ideas, you’ll become more comfortable with your uniqueness at an early age. That doesn’t mean you’ll not try and fit in with those you want to hang out with! It usually means you’re happier in your own skin than some you spend time with.

Yet what can you do if you’re not being listened to? If you’re not valued at home or in the place where you spend a lot of time? It can be hard, especially as a child or teenager who feels like this. Yet you deserve to be listened to. You need to be listened to, so that you can discover who you really are without judgement. You can decide who you want to hang out with and what your own values are.

Many schools now have pastoral teams who you can talk to and share what’s on your mind. It doesn’t mean you’ve got a mental health issue. It just means you need a place to talk and allow yourself to hear your own words. You don’t have to be bullied to use this service.

You may have friends or a grandparent or aunt/uncle who you trust and respect who you can talk to, without them judging you and what you have to say. They love you and care for you for who you are. Your unique self.

If neither of these are an option for you, there may be a listening service in your area. Some schools are setting up listening services so you can simply talk about whatever you want, in confidence. They aren’t for fixing you, as you don’t need fixing, you’re perfect as you are. But these services recognise that not everyone has a trusted person to share things with.

If there’s no listening service in your area, we recommend Young Minds or Kooth.

You are wonderful as your unique self. You are different, but that’s what makes you so amazing. I hope it doesn’t take you as long to realise that it’s OK to be you and not hide any aspect of your brilliance.

If you want to rediscover your brilliance that you’ve been hiding from, book an explore call & let’s forget the bullies. They’re not worth our energy anymore.

 

 

Dreams are free

Dreams are free. Goals have a cost. While you can daydream for free, goals don’t come without a price. Time, Effort, Sacrifice, and Sweat. How will you pay for your goals?

dreams are free usain bolt

Photo from Wikipedia

Usain Bolt

What did you dream of as a child? Was it to follow a particular career? Live in a particular place? Visit a certain country?

I remember at one point wanting to be a teacher. I used to set my teddies up in rows and read to them, pretending to teach them to read. At another stage I wanted to be a police officer. I don’t remember playing this one out, although when I was really little I did play ‘cops & robbers’ with friends who lived nearby, mimicking some of the TV shows of the time.

As I got older I think I dreamt less. I’ve no idea if this was drilled out of me, or whether the education pattern at the time was to move you from one stage to the next, without room for dreams. I did go to school with some people who were very clear about their passion for medicine, or music, and they followed their dreams after school.

I do remember the computer print out from the careers service though. Did you have that too? My top job (matching my interests and other information which was entered into the basic system), was a Prison Officer. The funny thing was though, that most of the class had this in their top 5 careers! I’m not sure any of us felt this was our calling! 😉

It’s only now age 48, that I tell my teenage sons that I’m now doing what feels right for me. It’s taken a long time to get here, but it feels like home. I am teaching people, but not through the formal education system. I also help people and support people to be themselves and follow their dreams. My focus is on teaching people to listen better – to themselves, to their family and friends, to work colleagues and team members and the environment in which they live.

How do you dream?

Some people dream in their sleep and remember the vivid pictures of the stories their brain was telling them. Others don’t see anything in their sleep, or remember the story. Some people spend time meditating each day, and in the stillness allow their minds to wander and this brings up pictures and ideas for them.

I believe allowing yourself to dream is the first step to a happy fulfilled life. Dreaming is a “window into our unconscious” [Sigmund Freud]. And what is our unconscious mind but the very core of ourself? Some people say this is the “true self” or your soul talking to you.

When you listen to yourself you hear the dreams which may have been hiding, or been squashed by circumstances.

  1. Ensure you have technology free time each day and allow yourself time by yourself.

We all know that it’s important to have time away from screens, whatever age we are. It’s even more important for children and young people as they need time to allow their brains to develop their own ideas and dreams.

If we don’t allow young people the space to dream, how will they learn what’s right for them?

2. Don’t be distracted by other people and their dreams and goals.

It’s lovely to hear about your friends dreams and goals for their life. However it’s just that – their life. You can still be friends and support each other even if you have very different dreams and goals. You may be interested in their ideas and explore some of the journey with them. Just remember, they are not you. Don’t get distracted from being you and listening to your own dreams.

If you’re always following someone else’s path, how will you find your own?

3. Use a journal to make a note of your thoughts and experiences.

Writing in a journal – regularly, or when you feel like you’ve something you want to capture – can be helpful to find the recurring themes in your life. As a child I liked to write my thoughts in a diary, but I stopped. I’ve no idea why. It was only when I started writing again that I found I was allowing myself to be me.

If you don’t express your thoughts and feelings to yourself, how will you discover what you love and what makes you sad?

Dreams v Vision

I’m not sure what you think the difference is between a dream for your future and your vision for the future, but I think it’s to do with what Usain Bolt is saying in his quote, “Dreams are free. Goals have a cost. While you can daydream for free, goals don’t come without a price. Time, Effort, Sacrifice, and Sweat. How will you pay for your goals?”.

You may dream of a way of life, but a vision for your future is something which you’re aiming for – a goal to achieve. In the sporting example, you may dream of being Olympic Champion one day, but unless you commit to the vision of this and put in the effort to achieve your dream it’s never going to happen.

You may work very visually, so having pictures of your dreams will actually create a vision board. By committing your dreams to a piece of paper, or an image on your phone, or a poster on your wall you’re committing to your vision for your future. If you don’t commit in some way, your dreams will always be dreams.

Whatever you dream, only you can achieve it

We all dream different things. We’re all created with different skills and talents. But only you can bring your skill to life in the way that you dream of. No-one knows what you’re dreaming so you’re always right. Don’t let anyone squash your dreams. They are yours and only you can achieve them with your skills and talents.

You may come across other people with similar dreams, or similar skills and talents to you. However the combination of you being you with your dreams will be different from the other person. You’re both unique. What if you both worked together on your project? Would you achieve more? (When writing this sentence I’m thinking of those with scientific brains who dream of curing disease).

Yes you need support, and the right type of support to nurture your skills, talents and progress through life. But only you can dream your dreams. Only you can listen to yourself and know what’s right for you.

You are good enough. Just as you are. Keep dreaming and being you.

What are your dreams? Please do let me know, below or by email. If you’d like help exploring your dreams, book a complimentary Explore Call.

Education can change the world

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.

Nelson Mandela

I’ve just returned from two weeks in a rural part of southern Malawi. I went with a friend who is doing some amazingeducation change world voluntary work for the small charity Network for a Better World. They aim to support people in this area who have limited support from other charities and NGOs, and even government support.

The quote above is in the training room of the volunteer house where I stayed. I’ve heard it before, but until I saw and experienced what I did, I didn’t understand how true this is.

Before I travelled my husband read up about the work of the charity and commented, “what they do is really simple isn’t it?”. Yes, it is. And what my friend had asked me to prepare was simple too – prepare some sewing projects to share with locals.

Me being me of course thought I needed to fundraise to buy the women’s group sewing machines as they only have one available to them, which isn’t well used. I now know that being even more simple is what’s needed in this community.

Education is simple.

The community I stayed in, at Sitima near Zomba live simple lives. Their focus is on surviving day to day, and very much at the base of Maslow’s hierachy of needs – food, shelter, warmth and rest. They wake with sunrise and start their fires to cook their simple porridge breakfast. Children go to school (free for the eight stages of primary education) whilst parents work on their small plots of land where they grow food for themselves or to sell.

There’s few jobs in this area. There is a tobacco farm which employs workers. A local man I got to know who works for the charity said, “it’s slave labour”, yet they do earn and some education is provided for the children of workers. Everything they do in their day is to help them buy their next meal or wood to burn to cook the meal, or provide some basics for family needs.

Question: Once your basic needs are met for food, shelter, warmth and rest, what’s important to you?

Education is key to change

As children and teenagers in the UK we’re told, encouraged and cajoled into learning, passing exams and preparing ourselves for the next stage in life. Whatever your belief about tests and exams, we are all very aware that education is a key factor in our development, and opportunities for the future.

As children and young people we may also learn lots of skills which we either continue to use or put to one side. For example, music, sport and crafts are all skills and part of our overall education and life skills. Do we value them in our society as much as we should? Maybe that’s a topic for another day.

Back to education as it’s generally considered.

education can change the worldIn Malawi the government aims to have a 1:60 teacher:pupil ratio . In the area I visited, it’s more like 1:100. I’m no teacher or education specialist, but that’s quite a challenge teachers and pupils alike have got to learn in that environment. Yet children are learning. There is a test at the end of each year and pupils need to pass this to move onto the next stage.

Primary education is free to all, so class sizes doubled I’m told, once this happened. There’s not enough teachers and in the area I was in a lot of schools didn’t have houses for the teachers, so they wouldn’t be able to recruit them to their school.

Question: What if we thought about education as more basic than going to school?

In my short time, (and my two weeks really did feel very short), I ran some sewing classes for children in the local villages. Sewing is not a skill that’s taught in schools as it’s one small part of the Expressive Arts curriculum. Schools don’t have the resources to teach all parts of the curriculum and certainly don’t have money to buy fabric, needles and thread.

My memories of sewing at primary school, developing my skills with my Mum and Grandmothers were of simple joyous times creating things with my own hands. Yes, sewing may be a basic skill to you and me, but to this group of people it’s not basic at all. Yet, sewing could be a skill which these young people could develop to make their own clothes, or make things to sell to others that diversifies the income of their family unit.

Whilst some of our young people dream of being professional sportsmen and women and developing their talents to earn an exceptional income, in some cases, the group I worked with wanted to learn how to make a t-shirt. It sounds so simple doesn’t it? It is achievable.

Question: What’s the one skill you’ve learnt in life that you would feel lost without?

Going back to Maslow, and basic needs, some of the work my friend Marian and her volunteer team have done is on cooking and nutrition. There is a need in the area to diversify crops grown, methods of cooking, and ensure nutrition is maintained for all family members. Each part of this is about education.

Whilst many in the western world are looking at the “best way to lose weight”, or “what supplement should I take for x”, this community, and others like it, need help with “how to maintain good nutrition when my harvest fails”. What if we started our questions in our lives the other way round, starting from our basic needs first? Instead of “what do I need to do to lose weight”, ask, “what food do I need today to keep me healthy and energised to do the activities I’m choosing to participate in”? Would we learn more if we started with basic questions and built up our blocks of knowledge again?

Education can change the world

You don’t have to think in terms of SATs, GCSEs, IBs, A Levels or degrees to help those around you change their world. I want to start thinking in more simple terms about education and what we can learn from those who are living at the very bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy for our western lifestyles. What if we responded to the requests of our children to explore something new. That’s education. What if we all took responsibility for educating ourselves and others rather than assuming it’s someone else’s job? That’s education.

Showing someone how to cook a simple meal, or clean the bathroom, or mow the lawn – that’s education. Sharing sewing school education in practiceyour skill or talent with someone else, that’s education. Taking an interest in someone else’s life, that’s education. We can all learn from others, and we can all teach and encourage others. I don’t believe it’s about kindness or mindset, it’s simply something we can all do in our daily lives wherever we live. The ripple effect will happen from one shared skill.

When I learnt to sew as a child, I’m sure my Mum and Grandmothers didn’t consider what ripple effect it would cause around the world. Yet it has. I’ve started something simple in a small community with 19 children who are craving to learn more, yet can already make changes in their own lives with the needle and thread I left them.

What can you do this week to help others become more educated in one small part of their life?

____________________________

I will be continuing to support the work of Sewing in Sitima. Volunteers from N4BW will run sewing schools when they visit, and we’re running teacher training sessions as well. If you’d like to contribute to this work, £20 will provide materials for one class of 60 to make a simple school bag, please get in touch.

Are you missing opportunities because of your plan

“Until you cross the bridge of your insecurities, you can’t begin to explore your possibilities.” Tim Fargo

are you seeing new possibiliitesA friend asked me six weeks ago if I’d like to accompany her to a small village in Malawi. Going to Africa wasn’t on my list of things to do this year. Volunteering for two weeks in a small village in the southern part of the country wasn’t even on my goals list for the next five years. But I said yes anyway. I don’t believe I’m “off track”, I think I’m exploring possibilities and taking opportunities when they arise.

My family are as excited as I am about my trip, and while I could have said I couldn’t go because it’s term time, they know as well as I do that they’ll make things work for them in a different way with Mum away. I won’t even start to think about what the house and garden will be like when I get home in two weeks time! 😉

A lot of my clients have felt like they’ve been walking through treacle the last couple of months. Yet, in the Business Cheerleading Club action spotlight coaching session last night, two members found that they’re at a similar stage of refining their goals. Both have had new clients this year and have been working consistently towards their goals. It’s only now though, half way through the year, that they’re getting really clear on what they want to achieve for the rest of their year and in their business as it grows.

Has your vision changed? Or just the route to achieve it?

I liken business and life to a certain extent, to a journey. You know where you’re aiming for, but there’s many different paths to get to that one point. If your journeys are anything like mine, once you get to the top of one hill, you see another summit further along. My boys would call that a stretch target from their school achievement goals.

I’ve realised that I needed a shift in focus in my business to achieve my bold vision. Some conversations I’ve had with people recently have found that being open about this shift has been uncomfortable for them. What about you? Do you feel that being honest that you need to take a different path to reach your goal is scary? I do. But it doesn’t make it impossible. The shift helps the new path become clearer and instead of seeming to fight with the overgrown twisty path, I’ve found that with clarity the shift has opened up new possibilities and opportunities.

Part of my shift is that I’m no longer focusing on sending weekly business tips to one of my email lists. Have those people wandered off? Not yet – although this email to them may cause a raft of unsubscribes! What I’ve found is the broader focus of my work is allowing those I work with the opportunity to think openly about their possibilities and not be limited by weekly tips to follow.

I will continue to share interviews with experts, but not at the expense of developing new projects with schools to help young people become more resilient by listening to themselves. I will continue to grow the Bra Lady network as more women struggle to find the right bras for them and need help. I will continue to support small businesses and social enterprises through my Passion is not Enough book series and workbook, and the Business Cheerleading Club.

Does it feel much different to you? No, I didn’t think so. For me, this shift has been more about the long term vision coming into focus, and opening my eyes to new possibilities. Some may say there’s been a mindset shift. I don’t think that term sums it up correctly for me though. I prefer the fact that I’ve truly listened to myself and believe in my own abilities to achieve my vision. There’s so many ways I can achieve it, I just happen to have noticed a few more which will allow me to help more people than I thought possible a few months ago.

Business Summer School


One of the possibilities I’ve been working on is an online Summer School for Business. Summer can be a time when attention is taken away from the business due to school holidays, when customers are less consistent and staff take time off.

I’ve always found the summer to be a great time of year to re-focus, review and re-plan the rest of year. We always need to be flexible and open to what’s going on in our industry or in the economy. The state of flux in the UK with the Brexit conversation is continuing to stop some business owners make decisions. However, I believe that not doing something is actually not taking control of your business to create what you want for you.

The Business Summer School will be an 8 week online programme using what clients love best – one to one sessions, short tutorials, group learning and group action learning. You set the agenda to work on your business opportunities and all learners will spend time focusing on their business.

There’s no expert workshops June, July and August so I can focus my attention on those who’re ready to grow their business. Any participant who wants a previous expert workshop will get this as part of their support package.

For just under £50 a week financial investment, and an hour a week minimum time investment, what better way to get yourself ready for the possibilities which are just over the crest of the hill. You may want to get started thinking about the opportunities for your business using the free Passion into Profit workshop series – 9 days of short tutorials to help you look at your business with fresh eyes.

This focused approach isn’t for everyone, and if you’re not sure what would work best for the stage you’re at, book an Explore Call with me.

 

“I’m so pleased I took the opportunity to invest in ME, because if I hadn’t, I would still be in a job I knew was wrong for me and would undoubtedly have made me ill by now. ” Karen Peddie Holistics

Shifting focus is only natural

There’s a lot of change going on at the moment all around me. Other people are shifting focus in their lives or businesses. People are standing up for what they believe in.

There may well be “something in the air” with planets aligning, but in some ways that’s not the important point. Allbe in control even if it means a shift in focus change is natural. Our world has seasons, and yes the moon cycles do affect us. So why do we spend so long trying not to shift focus off the plan we created at the start of the year, just because that’s what we said we were going to do?

Life moves on with or without us

Some of my clients struggle to plan, and we seem to talk about their diary as a recurring item when we meet. I always, I hope, allow them the space to work out what’s important to them, and that’s where the focus of time would be in their diaries. There’s some fixed things, and i always encourage clients to eat and sleep and exercise which all take time. They may not be fixed times each day, but you need to make time each day to make it happen.

I have some people I work with who love freedom and don’t want to be boxed in with a fixed agenda. Yet they know that they’re wasting time going round in circles with their thoughts, and not always getting things done they’d like.

Sound familiar?

So what happens when you make plans and then you realise that you need to shift the focus as you no longer enjoy that thing, or your customers would love you to focus on something else?

I wrote an article about organisational listening which explored how it’s so easy not to listen to what’s going on around you. Organisations are made up of individuals. What if all the individuals in an organisation realised they needed to shift their focus slightly. Would businesses be more productive? More efficient? Would people live happier more fulfilling lives?

Just like our High Streets have changed over time, and we all use more technology now than we ever dreamed about when we were younger, so our lives shift and move with time. We can’t always affect what happens in our life. We can though take control of our own life and what we want to do with our skills and talents.

My friend and book coach Dale Darley talks about using writing a book as a pivot for your business. I’ve realised that I need to shift my focus, not just pivot to tweak what I’m doing.

As a multi-business owner, Mum of two teenage boys, wife, friend, volunteer and all those other roles I have, life is always a juggle. It’s fun and I love what I do. Yet, having published my first book, Passion is not Enough and starting writing the promised follow up book, I felt something wasn’t quite right.

I’ve been developing a social enterprise Listen2Me, which will be delivering training, workshops and supporting the development of listening services and schemes in schools, and I know I want to spend more time doing that. Which means that something else has to give way to make time for this tweak in my schedule.

I kept thinking was it that I needed to change my target audience? No, again I love working with micro and small businesses and charities through Business Cheerleading Club, and that’s where the book is focused. I know that some of these will become our larger companies or enterprises in the future.

So, I want to keep doing what I’m doing, but I also want to spend more time on developing something new. Mmm. The math just doesn’t add up! And there was something which wasn’t quite feeling right either. Do you get that sometimes? A feeling that something needs to change, but you’re not sure what?

Listen to everything you’re telling yourself

If you’re noticing that something isn’t quite right listen to it. You know yourself better than anyone, even if you don’t always listen well or believe what you’re hearing. The nuggets of truth your sub conscious mind shares with your conscious mind is all part of you. If you’re not listening to it then something is likely to be slightly out of balance.

I was working with one of my coaches, Deborah Marie Isis, this week, and it became clear that some of the stories I’ve been ignoring were trying harder and harder to make their voices heard. When I allowed myself to believe they were my voices I realised that I didn’t need to pivot as Dale had talked about but shift my focus into a new area of work with a new group of people.

Now I’ve made that decision and created some plans, I feel back in balance. I’m not letting anyone down with this new focus. In fact, I’ll be working with more people which was always what I wanted to do.

Going back to the diary situation, if you’re flexible with your time and focused on your vision and end results, everything else will fall into place. Don’t believe me? Book some time for yourself to just listen to what’s going on in your mind. Spend time writing things down to get things out of your head, or share with your coach. Ask them to help you really listen clearly. Then work out your next steps together.

Whether you’re due a pivot or a shift, what will happen if you don’t do it? I imagine it will be uncomfortable and you’ll be thinking “I wonder if”. So stop wondering, start listening and then shift your focus. And don’t tell me that it’s not the right time. It’s always the right time to listen to yourself and act on what you hear.

If you’d like help with this, book a complimentary Explore Call and let’s see if we’re a good fit to work together.

When is it a good time?

I’ve had a few conversations with friends and clients these past few weeks about “when is it a good time” to do something, tell someone about a decision, or make a life change.

No-one likes change. We’re human. It’s how we’re made.when is the right time

And then there’s the mind monkeys, or gremlins, whatever you call those voices you hear in your head. They talk to you all the time prompting more self doubt than you had in the first place. We all have them. They’re normal for humans too. We can learn to control them, so we start to hear them less and less.

If you find yourself saying:

  • When that happens I’ll do…
  • If only I could…
  • I need to wait until…

then you’ll understand that “when is a good time” is a common question to ask oneself.

Working out when is a good time

There may not be an answer to this. If a friend asks you when they should do something, what do you say to them? When a close friend asked me this the other week, my response was, “is there ever a good time?”. She thought about it, and agreed that there wasn’t. So we then talked about what was “right”.

Now right for her may not be right for me or you. I suggested she listened to herself, and when she felt it was the right time it would be good too.

By listening to yourself and working out what’s right for you, is the only way you can work out when a good time is for you. [Are good and right the same things? Maybe that’s a conversation for another day. I’ll continue to use both here as I’ve found people use them interchangeably. So that’s what I’ll do too.]

If you continue to ask others for their advice, you’re not owning your own choices. I know they’re hard and you want someone else to take responsibility. However, it’s hard because you know you want to change something and it feels like you’re ready. You’re just waiting for the right time to do it.

I was forced to make a big change

When I was growing my first business, I knew I was getting close to making the decision to leave my salaried position to grow my business further. Then I was made redundant and the change was made for me. I was fortunate that I had no control over this in one way, as it made me step up and continue to grow the business with a new focus.

You’ll hear some coaches talk about thinking about each day being the day before you die – what would you want to achieve today? What would you do if you knew this was last day that you could do that thing? Would you still stall and not do it? Or would you take the opportunity to just do it?

If I was to tell you now that if you don’t do it today you never will, how would that make you feel? That you have to make a change? Or it’s not worth it?

Life changes whether we like it or not

It is a fact of life that life changes. We have no choice. There are the seasons we live through. Natures life cycles of birth, growth and death. We accept that spring follows winter. We accept that death is a part of life.

Yet we often struggle to do something which only takes a few seconds to do. Yes, telling someone about a decision you’ve made only takes a few seconds, even though it’s taken hours, maybe months to think about it. Farrar Storr’s book, The Discomfort Zone brings this to life. If you’re living in discomfort because you can’t find “the right time” to tell someone about a change you’d like to make, how much are you stopping yourself from moving forward in your life?

Most change makes us feel uncomfortable. You may well feel that the change is outside your comfort zone so you don’t want to take that step. Yet you know that magic happens when you take that step. It’s all so confusing.

All of this is going round and round your head. You’re stopping yourself going anywhere with all this self-talk.

Keep it simple

Whilst the change/s you want to make may be complex, if you can keep your steps simple, you can make the change happen more easily.

Know what you want to achieve

If you know what you want to achieve, you’ll find the small steps to make changes easier. If you’re still confused about what you want, talk it through with a friend or coach and get it clear first.

Stick to your values

Be yourself. Your core values are just that. If the change you want to make is to support your values then you’ll know that it’s the right thing to do.

Ensure you’re staying safe

Whether you’re making a life change or changing careers, staying safe will be important to the timing. I include your mental health as well as your physical health here.

Creating the change at the right time

When a friend asked me to go to Malawi with her to a village in the south of the country, I felt too that it may not be the right time. However, I couldn’t find any reason why I shouldn’t go with her. It’s a fantastic opportunity to live in a village for two weeks and contribute some skills. I’m leaving my family, who are very able to look after themselves, and my business, to go off exploring. Is that a bad thing? For me it’s not. I’m excited and delighted my friend asked me. I’ve had three weeks to think about it and two more to prepare everything I need.

What questions do you ask yourself to work out when is it a good time for you? If you need help working something out, book a complimentary Explore call or work with me.

Are you listening to your business?

” Change is part of our existence. How you respond to change is what creates the impact. ”
Tracey-Jane Hughes

are you listening to your business and yourself

Pin to your business growth board https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/244320348522160650

How often and how clearly, do you listen to yourself? Do you always take notice? For instance, if you’re body is tired, do you go to bed earlier that night? If you need a break from work, do you get up, stretch and grab a glass of water? These are simple things that we need to respond to to change our state, how we’re feeling, and create an impact on our body.

What about your work life? If you run your own business, do you notice what’s going on in your business and in your industry? Are you listening to your customers – whether it’s feedback or lower sales? Do you investigate each aspect of your business regularly?

In the 15 years I’ve been in business there’s been massive change in technology, buying habits, the shape of the high street, media coverage. And of course, social media has changed how news and ideas travel, and what people see regularly. We may not like the changes that happen in our society, but they affect the environment in which we live and work, so at the very least we need to notice them. And ideally, notice what effect those changes are having on our own life and business.

Are you listening to your business as well as yourself?

If you don’t spend time noticing and listening to yourself or your business, you won’t make changes. Maybe there’s some tweaks you can make to your product or service, or exercise plan or nutrition that will make an impact on the results you want to achieve.

I’ve noticed that some business owners I work with are frightened of change. In fact, I was the same at one time, so I do understand. When you’ve got a plan, you feel you need to complete the plan otherwise you’ve failed. None of us like to fail do we? How about you think about making changes to the plan in response to what you’re hearing and noticing? What if you listened to yourself and realised that you don’t actually like doing that part of the work you do. Could someone else do it instead and benefit the growth of each individual and the business? As humans we’re very good at hiding things deep inside. We put things in a box and hide it in another box, and often throw away the key thinking we’ll be safe now. But you haven’t changed anything have you? You’ve just hidden something hoping it will go away.

These past few months for me have been about change. It’s been brought about from completing my book, “Passion is not Enough – Explore your passion and grow your business or social enterprise“, which is available this week. I’ve listened even harder and changed the shape of my businesses, and my focus, to do what I really want to do – Inspire others to listen to themselves to take the action to move forward so that they can inspire others.

I won’t lie, it was hard at first, as I had all these plans for the year ahead. I felt I was letting people down by not completing them. But then I realised I’d be letting myself down if I didn’t listen to myself, and letting others down if I stuck with things which weren’t quite right for me. It’s not easy. But I can say now, in launch week that it’s totally worth it.

So my focus has shifted slightly, and I’m delighted to be offering a series of short workshops and Q&A to help people turn Passion into Profit. If you’d like access to these, or join a session live, please join us here (you need to confirm you want this information sending to you). By the end of the two weeks there’ll be 8 short workshops, plus Q&A with attendees on different topics relating to growing your business. There’s a conversation channel too for continuing to learn together, and support you to listen and explore any changes that you want to try in your life and business.

Book launch 17th May 2019

I invite you to my online book launch on 17th May, 1pm. I’ll be holding this on Facebook, and I’d love to celebrate this day with you. You can pre-order the book here, and I’d be delighted to send you a copy from the office, for yourself or a friend who’s currently exploring setting up a business or social enterprise. The feedback from a wide variety of readers has been that it’s helped individuals explore all sorts of aspects of their life and work.

Wherever you are on your journey, on your plan for the year, or your life plan, I encourage you to take time to listen. Really listen to yourself and notice what you’d like to change. The 90 day Passion into Profit programme (which will be slightly longer than that due to a short trip to Africa for me – more of that another time), is a small group programme to help you to do just that – listen more, and maybe listen differently to yourself and your business. We’re starting 3rd June. If you’d like to know more, message me and we’ll book a call to see if this is right for you. (Still got some technology fixes to do, like my online diary!)

“It’s really good to feel guided and supported and Tracey-Jane seems to have a limitless supply of encouragement” Lora

Your life your work your way

It’s been a fascinating few months for me. I feel like I’ve been hiding away, working on a few projects, and now suddenly I’m at the end of the tunnel where I can see the wonderful view. Ever felt like that yourself?

Your life, your work, your way

This is one of my personal mantras. I share this idea with those I work with, as well as friends and family. I’ve your life your work your wayshared it for a while. But it’s only these last few months that I’ve really understood what this means to me.

I’ve been writing a book. I now know this will be my first book, but I didn’t know that when I started it. I started out wanting to share my business story, so that others could learn from the mistakes learning points I’ve made in my 15 years of running my own businesses.

What I’ve learnt through this process, with the support of an amazing [book] coach Dale Darley, is that writing a book can really help you process everything in a new way. It’s a different way of thinking. I thought I’d done all my thinking, sorting and processing over the past 2 years, and had got my business models clear. I thought I knew what I wanted to focus on and what my skills were.

Writing the book has fine tuned my life, my work in the right way for me.

I may well have been hiding writing these past couple of months, but I’ve also been thinking and going on my own explorations with my own businesses and life.

Writing Passion is not Enough – Explore your passion and grow your business or social enterprise has helped me explore my own passions, and work out more clearly what my personal visions are for sharing them with others. I had to stop what I was previously doing to create time and space for this exploration.

I may have let some people down by this. If it’s affected you, I apologise. I know I haven’t taken opportunities which were available to me. It wasn’t the right time, and it was right that I let them pass by.

New way of working and living

At the end of this tunnel I’ve walked through is a new way of living and working for me. I’m clearer what I want, and how I want to achieve it. I know I’m a better listener, coach, mother, wife, friend, sister, volunteer, business owner, author, speaker, woman because of the time I’ve spent working through each step of this process.

The book is being launched 17th May, and I’m very excited about it 🙂 I’ve worked hard, but not in the way that most people imagine. There’s been a lot of soul searching. Daily journaling to get clear. I’ve used my team of coaches who have been so supportive and encouraging through these past few months. My online cheerleaders in the many groups I’m involved in and acquaintances who I’ve never met, but have encouraged and inspired. And my own Business Cheerleading Club members have been amazing. Thank you.

I’m clearer now about how all my interests and passions fit together. I’m focused on supporting others. I’ve created a new 90 day programme to help enterprise owners turn passion into profit. I’ve started my social enterprise Listen2Me.

And all because I listened to myself. Allowed myself the time to explore what was right for me.

I’d love to help you find your way too. I’m in the process of updating the ways I can help you, to make it easy for you to find a slot in my diary (some technological changes are needed). I suggest you book an Explore call for starters, and let’s see what’s best for you right now.

You are procrastinating for a reason

Do you think you are procrastinating for a reason?

It’s been fascinating working through daily journalling prompts from Dale Darley on the 101 days of Being Me be more yourself and stop procrastinatingjourney since the start of the year. Her prompts have made me think deeply about aspects of my life and work. Some days I’ve been inspired to do new things. Other days I’ve reflected on the past. The whole process has shown me just how important it is to be me.

These reflections and writing daily, (I’ve added in an extra daily session to focus on me, as I wanted to maintain my usual morning reflections which I’ve enjoyed for over a year now), have helped me re-look at aspects of my life and work which may not be totally me, and don’t fit naturally into my vision for the future. Things which others may be ‘expecting’ me to do, without any agreement on my part.

Some of those things, like shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing are part of a parent’s role. However, I don’t remember signing up to all these extra duties when I first became a parent!

How many of the roles you take on are assumed roles?

We all have multiple roles in our lives. Some we assume ourselves, and others which may be something we agree to, but simply happen. Take being a daughter or son – that’s a role we have by nature of being a human being. Each one of us will have a different sense of what that role means, and how we play it.

Then there’s those roles which you may have as part of your work environment – a teacher, mentor, introducer, networker, library of knowledge. Others will assume you’re happy to do things by virtue that you’ve always done them, or you’re in “that role”.

In your friendship group or community you may be seen as “the organiser”, or “the communicator”. Roles which others assume you’re OK with. Are you?

Looking at myself these past 101 days, I’ve realised that some of the assumed roles I’m seen as aren’t naturally me. I’ve taken them on or grown into them because it’s needed and no-one else will do it; or, I’m being helpful; or I can’t say no to people who ask me to help them. Some of them aren’t me though and it feels out of sync with who I am to continue.

Have you got roles which aren’t totally right for you?

Are you procrastinating for a reason?

One of the things I’ve noticed is that when I’m doing things which aren’t part of my natural instincts I’ll procrastinate. I’ll put things off, not do them, or make excuses.

I’ve always known that when you find things challenging that’s when you procrastinate more. What I hadn’t realised until this recent personal development work, was how much I do isn’t naturally me. When I’m using my skills and talents to help others I can whip through a list of tasks which surprises me. My productivity is like lightning!

When I’m sorting out the car insurance renewal, for example, or thinking about things which are part of a role someone else has assigned to me, it can take me ages to get things sorted out.

Are you the same?

Knowing yourself better helps reduce procrastination

Out of all my learning about listening, listening to myself has been one of the most important lessons. Just like the 101 days of being me has helped me learn more about myself and what makes me me, I’ve allowed myself to listen and respond to what I’ve learnt.

About 18 months ago I discovered the Five Institute’s Vitality Test, and have been learning more about myself from the team ever since. It’s fascinating and has helped me understand that to be me, I need to embrace my differences, not hide them.

We’re all unique individuals. We all have talents and skills different from the rest of our family, friends and community. But we are often not encouraged to be different.

As teenagers we want to fit in and be accepted.

We want to fit in and get a job, a house, a car. Be part of a team and community.

And to do this we often hide parts of ourselves.

One of the books I’ve re-read during the last month is Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection. It was perfect for my learning more about myself. The other one I’ve loved is Michelle Obama’s Becoming. Both these books tell the story of realising you are you. You are perfect as you are. You don’t need to hide any part of you.

Be yourself, it’s much easier

My Body Brain Balance mentor Laura Donnelly, says, “Ease anywhere, is ease everywhere”. If you’re being yourself there’s no need to hid anything is there? You can simply be you. By being you, you’re doing the things you love and there’s no need to procrastinate about anything.

Sounds simple, right?

Well, I’ve certainly learnt lots these past few years, culminating in the journalling journey of the past 101 days. All these books, ideas, and even writing my own book called Passion is not enough, have taught me that I simply need to be me. When I’m me, I do my best work. I help more people. My love for my work and supporting others shines through.

Get over Procrastination Workshop

Even though I’ve learnt lots, I love learning and am looking forward to learning from Nick Haines from Five Institute about Procrastination in this 60 minute expert online workshop for the Business Cheerleading Club.

Nick will help us to understand ourselves a bit better so we can catch ourselves, or change the way we do things so we’re more ourself and don’t need to procrastinate.

Do you think you are procrastinating for a reason?

 

 

Being a performance parent helps us become performance people

“ As long as you keep going you’ll keep getting better. And as you get better, you gain more confidence. That in itself is success ” Tamara Taylor

keep going you'll keep getting betterWe had a lovely weekend with our boys, doing their sporty stuff this weekend. Eldest was at his athletics camp with similar talented athletes from across Britain, being helped and supported to develop his talents for long term success.

Youngest was trying out for Triathlon: To become part of a group of young people who compete in the Super Series across Britain, for the most talented triathletes of their age.

It was fascinating. Both sports ran sessions for “performance parents”, helping us to help our children maintain balance between sport and academic success. Talking about “Long term athlete development”, and it’s not about winning now, but as teenagers, (in these 2 sports), they’re just at the start of opportunities for representing their country, which could continue for many years to come. If they choose to continue to have this as a goal.

Yes both sports approach things differently, but the core messages were the same – building your success starts now. It’s not going to happen overnight. In triathlon they have 4 key values – Focus, Patience, Purpose and Commitment. Their focus is on developing independent learners in the sport, through challenge and discovery. They talked about being fearless in competition, and learning through each opportunity you take in the sport.

Learning through play



There was also a focus on “Training as Play”, where you need to learn to love training. If you don’t love what you do regularly each week, then you’re not going to be successful in the sport. It’ll be too hard for you. The most successful athletes are those who just love what they do. They often don’t think of it as training, even if to us as parents and observers, a 4 hour bike ride over steep hills sounds impossible to achieve!

Within both sessions there was a real sense of exploration. Using this time, with others who want you to succeed, to explore your talents, ideas, and test things out. Make decisions which you can reflect on and learn from. Make decisions to explore further, to challenge yourself and see what you love, or are capable of. There’s no failure in trying. In fact, if you don’t try, you fail to improve.

My 15 year old, the would be triathlete, didn’t end up where he wanted to be, by 4 places out of 144 starters. Yes he was disappointed, but he tried his best. He had a brilliant weekend, and learnt lots. In fact, it’s spurred him on even more to set new goals for the summer season. He’s clear what he wants to achieve, exploring this new sport he’s loving. He’s just at the start of his discovery phase, and we’re delighted that he wants to learn more and improve and enjoy this sport. 

We may be biased, but we’ll get to go to some new places around the country with them both this year. We’ll all be exploring together, learning to love what we all do, and helping them to explore their talents and options for development, with our support.

What are you exploring next?

So as you start a new quarter of the year, what are you exploring and working towards? Who’s in your support team as you develop your ideas, bring something new to market, or reach out to new customers? Are you loving what you’re doing so it comes as natural to you as eating and drinking every day does? Do you feel safe to explore new options and opportunities as they come up?

The Business Cheerleading Club is a safe place to explore options, and be supported to grow and develop yourself and your ideas. This month we’ve got the brilliant Nick Haines leading the expert workshop on Procrastination, and there’s the usual 90 minute group coaching call. There’s space for you to explore with us, learning to take ownership of your business and the decisions you make, so you can grow your business.

What are you excited about this next quarter? I’d love to hear your plans. Leave a comment below.

I’ve been editing my book, “Passion is not enough“, which is due out later this month. That’s my excitement 🙂