How big is your money box?

Yesterday I started a Money Box game with the No More Boxes Movement. Every day this month each participant is given a specified amount of imaginary money to spend that day. It starts at $10 and doubles every day.Money box game

Why am I doing the money box game?

It’s fun, yet I know I’m going to be challenged. Today as I write this I’m trying to work out what to spend my $20 on and I’m already in confusion! Do I spend it on myself or my family? Should I get something for the house that we need, or as do I treat this as extra money and therefore it’s a treat which I wouldn’t usually use on household expenditure?

The Money Box Game is designed to release you from negative associations and beliefs around wealth and money. How much we should or shouldn’t have.

Limiting beliefs are just that – limiting. Yet we all have them. They unconsciously hold us back from moving forward, often keeping us stuck for  long periods of time. Many of mine over the years, and those of clients I’ve worked with, have been around money.

  • Not having enough money
  • Believing I’m not worthy to have money to do the things I want to do
  • Having so much debt it overwhelms everything else including all the amazing things I do have
  • Seeing others do things I’d love to do and feeling frustrated
  • Believing what others believe about money and how it should be used/invested
  • Believing others have more than enough and should be helping struggling family members out

I’m not expecting to share all my money story here in these pages over the course of the next month but I did want to capture my thoughts, feelings, and the things that come up for me and what I notice about those playing the money game. I’ve shared a lot in my book, Passion is not Enough, if you’re interested in learning more about a big part of my recent money story. I don’t even know if I’ll share what I choose to spend my money on with you every day. I’ll see. Would it help you to know what I choose to spend my money on? Or will that trigger something in you about the way I’m choosing to spend my imaginary money? Interesting concept isn’t it? 😉

What interests you about money?

We learn at a young age, that “money makes the world go round”. Our parents talk about money. They tell us we can have things, or can’t because of how much they cost. We’re encouraged to save some of the money we’re given “for a rainy day”, “for the future”, “for something you want”, and we maybe learn a little about money management.

My teenage children are very different in the way they’ve approached money. One spending everything (and more when he’s borrowed from his brother!), he’s got the moment it lands in his hands; the other saving saving saving and not wanting to spend even a few pounds for something that he needs (he gets a clothing allowance, but you should have seen the state his underpants got to before he’d buy new ones!….in fact, maybe it’s a good idea that you don’t!), as it seems not valuable enough.

When I was a teenager I worked and earnt money primarily from babysitting. I saved and saved for things I really wanted. I knew I wanted to go travelling so I saved what I could, but I also went out with friends and it feels like I went to the cinema every week (proportionately it wasn’t as expensive as it is now). So I felt very well off in my own world.

As a University student I travelled in the summer holidays and worked in the other holidays as a waitress. I used all the overdraft allowance I was offered by the banks to do the things I wanted to do as I had this KNOWING that I would pay it all off once I started working and earning. I felt freedom and didn’t restrict myself and my spending, but now, looking back, I know that I was focusing on what I really wanted – to travel and see the world.

Right now what interests me is not going back over my money story since that freedom I felt as a student, but what I can learn about myself through this game in the next 30 days. As I said, day 2 is already challenging me in how to spend my money (you have to spend your allowance every day. You can’t save it, or buy stocks and shares). Why is $20 harder to spend than $10 which was easy for me yesterday – I took myself (in my imagination), to a favourite cafe and bought coffee and cake (probably 2 coffees if I’m honest with the calculations and the size of the cakes they serve!).

I’m interested in how the things to do with money have more impact than say things to do with education or relationships. Yes I know that money can have an impact of both of those things. But why does “money” have such a different feel about it? If I can help my son’s understand what’s happened on my journey, maybe they can make more informed choices and not ever feel stuck by money.

As a family we’re doing this game. The boys said, “what’s the point?”, to which my husband and I said, “it’s going to be fun and interesting”. Let’s see what we all learn from this experience. I think they’ve already started looking which fancy cars they might get as we get further through the month! 😉

Want to join me?

The reason for sharing this journey with others is so we can support each other to take a look at whatever limiting beliefs and stories we’ve been telling ourselves over the years. You may know I’m a listener and coach, so I’m used to supporting others and helping them hear what’s in their minds as they talk things through. All the leaders of the No More Boxes Movement, Runa and Nick ask is that you start on the day you join in at so everyone is spending the same amount each day. So if you join today you’ll have $20 (or £ if you choose to work like my family are). Simple to join, just sign up here: https://www.nomoreboxesmovement.com/themoneybox

We know that as in the UK we head into another lockdown having money is a real issue for some. If you’d like to join in but don’t have $11 to be able to use on this game this month please get in touch with Nick & Runa saying you’d like to join. They’ll work out a way you can join and be part of this interesting, challenging game.

The #NoMoreBoxes Movement & Methodology Challenges the age-old habit of putting people into boxes based on simple and narrow stereotypes.

 

Moving forward into a clear vision for 2020

This is the time of year many people look back and review the year and/or decade and also look ahead to a clearer vision for 2020. Have you created space for yourself to reflect on 2019 and the last few years? Have you scheduled some time to look ahead, by yourself, with your family and for your business?

Looking back and learning

It’s great to reflect on the past. We can learn lots of lessons from our own experiences, as well as those from history.give yourself a gift create vision 2020 It’s very easy to think “that didn’t work”, and ditch the learning as to WHY it didn’t work. In fact, some of my biggest lessons have been from the things which didn’t work. You’ll find that repeated in the life stories of many successful business owner, sportsmen and women and celebrities.

It can also be freeing to look back knowing that the past is past. At one time I was stuck in a loop of my past failures. It was like I was stuck in the same spot not able to move forward and it felt like I was being tormented by decisions I’d made, or situations which had affected my life. The record in my head was stuck on the same words, going round and round. I couldn’t break free. It took a lot of tears, heartache and it felt like hard work to realise that I had a choice to move forward and away from the sticky mud which was holding me back.

Looking back doesn’t have to be a long process. It may feel scary, but you may have missed some great lessons that could be useful as you move into the new year and new decade.

Being scared v being scary

My 11 year old niece was diagnosed with, had removed, and needs no further treatment for a brain tumour in the space of three weeks this month. Yes, it was a scary time. It’s always the not knowing what’s going on that feels scary. Yet, I wasn’t scared. And for most of the time, she wasn’t either. She was incredibly calm and continued to be her bubbly self, entertaining others, talking to others and spreading joy in the children’s ward to children more poorly than her. My niece chose to accept this “thing in my brain that shouldn’t be there”, and carried on being herself. It was scary but she wasn’t scared.

I truly believe that her attitude of allowing things to be what they are and focus on staying positive and listening to her body has helped her recover well ahead of the average time for a situation like this. I’ve learnt lots from this experience. Different members of the family responded differently. There was nothing we as individuals could do apart from love and support my niece, and each other, and support the doctors and nurses who had the expertise to remove the tumour and help her back on her feet.

Looking back, I’m sure we’ll all see more things we can learn from this experience. I only hope that my niece and all the family remember that it’s OK to go through scary things in life. We have a choice whether to be scared by them, or put our trust in our own body and those experts who are supporting us.

Clear vision 2020 workshop series

None of us can know what lies ahead. But we can take control of our lives and put plans in place to make our dreams come true. Are you clear what your dreams are? What if all your dreams did come true? How would you feel?

“Peace of mind”, “Empowered to succeed”, “Experiencing love and connection”, “Feeling joy”, “Smashing my targets”, “I can see things clearly”, “Connected to my family again”, “Money flowing in like never before” are all words clients have used this year as we’ve worked together on one aspect of their life or business growth.

To help you learn from past experiences and move forwards into the new decade I’m working with Deborah Marie Isis, who I’ve known for about 4 years now. Deborah is a highly skilled coach. We’ve helped each other to grow ourselves and businesses, and suddenly had a light bulb moment a couple of months ago – why not work together to help others?

We’re putting our joint experience and expertise together to help you to do business differently as you move forward to create more personal and business success.

You can use the workshop series to either focus on your personal vision, or your vision for your business. Choose one for now. You can then use the replay to re-do the session for any other aspects of your life where you need a clear vision for success. Simply sign up for the fr£e workshops and get support through our online group. It’s truly amazing when you spend time looking at things differently – you see different things! 😉

As we all move into 2020, maybe with joy, often with trepidation about what lies ahead, I encourage you to spend time reflecting on what you’ve learnt this year. Take time out of the busy-ness to do things you love doing. For me, that’s reading and walking which isn’t easy when others around me just want to sit or there’s food preparation to do. Deborah and I are looking forward to help you reflect more deeply, and look forward with love to your future. I hope you can use our expertise to help you move from any stuckness you feel.

I wish you and your family health and happiness this festive season and a wealth of joy for the year ahead.

Have you created a clear vision 202o? Care to share how you’ve done this?

Being courageous is a loving gift to others

What first pops into your head when someone says you’re “being courageous”? Do you go all Hollywood movie hero Be courageous. Be yourselfor heroine and saving the world with no thought to personal safety? Or do you think about pulling “big girl pants” or being “grown up”?

I’ve been thinking a lot about being courageous recently, and not just from the films and netflix series I’ve been watching, although I suppose they’ve added to the colour of my thoughts. [When Prince Charles, in The Crown, added his own words in Welsh to his inauguaration speech to help the people see him for who he was, that was courageous. When Harry Potter in the Deathly Hallows is courageous when he steps forward to challenge Voldemort in the final battle.]

My thoughts may have been more about individuals living every day lives, rather than princes or wizards, but we can still learn a lot from our Hollywood heros.

Time is a gift

I train volunteers to listen in a Listening Service locally. In part of the training we talk about listening being a gift to others. When volunteers first start their training they’re often unsure that this analogy is correct, but just agree with the trainer anyway 😉

As time goes on and they start to practice listening to others, and have others spend time listening to them during the training sessions, it becomes clearer to them that listening really is a gift. When you’re listened to by someone else, do you feel that gift? You may not have noticed it apart from the time that person has spent with you, which we may also consider a gift.

Some of these sessions help people talk about things they’ve never shared with anyone else in their lives before. It really is magical as a trainer to hold these people in such a safe space that they find their courage to be themselves. Listening training is not about opening up per se, but it just happens that to be able to listen to others well, we need to be able to listen to ourselves better. This often means finding courage to listen to what we may have hidden away from.

Being honest is courageous

When you’re honest with yourself, you may not like what you hear yourself saying or thinking. Yet this honesty opens up your vulnerability and helps you be courageous. Not everyone is honest – with themselves, or with others. Is that why we don’t think we see courage in everyday life, and have to wait for a good film or TV show to teach us courage?

We hear so much about the falseness of social media, or the fakeness of reality stars who many idolise. Would we idolise honest courageous people if people had the courage to be themselves?

Think about it. We all know someone who’s inspired us with their courage. They may have overcome an illness, or do some amazing things despite hardship or life challenges. What is it about these people that we find courageous? What is it about them that inspires us?

So why don’t more people have the courage to be honest and be themselves?

I don’t have all the answers here and I think there’s many areas we can look at to identify what we can do to unlock our hidden treasures. If more of us were honest and listened to ourselves and had the courage to be ourselves and share our talents and skills with others, what effect would that have on our families, communities and workplaces?

I wonder.

What I’d like you to do today is think about you. You may not do it often, as it’s so much easier helping others than it is helping ourselves isn’t it? When you spend some time by yourself with your own thoughts, simply listen. Listen to what you hear. Listen to your courage which you have a deep well of inside of you. I also recommend watching this talk, “The call to courage” by Brene Brown, a shame researcher who is a real inspiration. She brings vulnerability and courage to life, sharing her personal stories and those of people she’s been with who have listened and shown courage in their everyday lives.

If you can listen and be courageous to be yourself tomorrow, what love does that show to others and what effect would it have on those around you?

I’m exploring all the time. I’m learning to listen more deeply which is leading me to be myself. I have to say that I don’t use the word courageous about myself, but others do which is why I’ve linked it here.

“You so courageous to write a book”

“It must have taken a lot of courage to do that”

I’m simply being me and listening to myself. Finding my hidden skills and talents which no-one else has.

Let’s give gifts of courage by being ourselves and showing by what we do and who we are that by being ourselves we are giving true gifts of love.

If you’d like to book a listening session with me, I offer a gift of 20 minutes for your first session.

Looking ahead to Sitima Summer School 2020

Looking ahead to Sitima Summer School 2020

When I returned from a two week trip to Malawi in July I knew I wanted to do more than simply watch and support others. I’d learnt so much I wanted others to learn from my experiences and potentially be able to experience and learn from their own adventures.

The effect on me has been profound and I think the last 6 months have been challenging me to listen not only to my heart but the hearts of those I met in the village of Sitima. I was given so much by people who have, (by the measures the western world uses), so little. The love and interest and care and attention was life affirming. There was no need for an exchange of any kind. As my friend Marian had told me, simply being there and taking an interest was enough for this community to want to share their love with you.

So if I could learn so much in a short space of time, what could others learn?

How could I encourage the love and care shown to me to others so that the ripples of love could go further?

Education in Malawi

extra classroom space needed

Extra classroom space needed. Not OK during rainy season

While I’m not familiar with all the details, I learnt that education is a priority to the country, yet is poorly resourced to achieve everything they want as a nation.

Primary education is free to all. The system works on achievement rather than age, so it’s not a linear way through for many children and young people. There’s eight years in primary education with a varied curriculum including English, Maths, Expressive Arts, Life Skills, Agriculture and Science. Exams are completed in English so this a fundamental part of the education system.

The government target ratio is 1 teacher to 60 pupils, but in the area I visited it was more like 1 to 100 in most schools. If you’re a teacher, can you imagine teaching 100 students at a time? The pupils have to pass the test for that year so they can progress to the next year. Wow! That’s quite an undertaking!

Many of the pupils went to school with no food, with some of the schools having charity or government feeding programmes. A couple of schools have volunteers who run their own feeding programmes as adults are well aware that nutrition is crucial to learning. It was a fascinating time for me seeing how dedicated people are committed to making their community a better place and encouraging their children to learn so that they may have more opportunities than their parents.

Education is not just a key sustainable development goal, it really is at the heart of these communities who are keen to encourage children and young people to learn so that all communities can improve.

Secondary education

secondary education in sitima malawi

Less older children stay in education

This has to paid for by families wanting children to continue in the 4 years of education offered by secondary schools. It may only be (to us), £10 a term to attend, plus uniforms, plus books, and potentially travel too, but many in the community I visited weren’t able to save this from their limited income.

To give you an idea of income in this area, ladies working on a gardening scheme are growing food for their families and then selling the rest. They may earn about 50p a day from their sales of produce. A local worker told me that it would cost about £4 a week to feed a family of 6 even with their own food stocks. The biggest employer in the area is a tobacco farm which pays about 70p a day. So it’s not easy to save pennies from this to grow a pot of £10 for each term for one child.

Have you seen the film The Boy who Harnessed the Wind? The film based on a true life book of the same name shows exactly how hard it is for people who live in rural communities with the land as their means of earning an income. Watch it or read it and let me know what you think.

For those children who live too far to travel to school everyday there are boarding schools they can attend. These cost about £90 a term. So can you see how difficult it can be for families to help their children achieve the national certificate which is the standard for getting better paid jobs? You can see the cycle can’t you – low wages = poor education.

How do we break the education poverty cycle?

Investment certainly and support to those families who need help when a crop fails, or a breadwinner dies.

My family now support a family who without our support wouldn’t be able to take up the opportunity of secondary education. My boys earn more from their paper round in a week than it costs per term. We all committed to this which is a small gesture yet will make a massive difference to the whole family we support.

Sitima Summer School 2020

Were your children occupied during their long summer holidays with all sorts of activities, trips, and fun things? Mine were. We took it for granted that they’d spend time with grandparents. We made it a part of what we supported for them to try different sports, or attend craft days. They went on scout camp and have had some brilliant memories of all they did during their “out of school” time.

This community near Zomba in south Malawi have nothing different for their children to do whilst school isn’t on. The teachers need their breaks, as do the children. But what do they do? I was there during term time so I’m not totally clear. However, from what I picked up, children will help with the family crops. They will roam around the area with their friends. They don’t have playing fields or playgrounds or balls to amuse them. Many of this community have no single toy to play with.

With families focusing on their crops there is no time to spend with children developing new skills, trying new things, or going to new places. What if we could make a small change by offering something different to these children? Will it make a difference? You betcha!

Sewing in Sitima

sewing in sitima malawi

Sewing a school bag after school

During my two weeks I helped about 20 children learn some basic sewing stitches and create a simple school bag for themselves. It was amazing the effect this had on these young people. They not only learnt a new skill and made something which was there’s to own and look after. But they saw that the skill could be used for other things. The first group I worked with wanted to make a t-shirt next. That was in the four days they spent doing about an hours sewing in the training room at Network for a Better World house. My friend Marian who I travelled with is currently back in the village helping these young people to make tops using just the couple of stitches we taught them two months ago.

So that got me thinking. What skills and activities could we help children to do in their out of school time, (we’d run the sewing club after school each day for four days each week)? They love playing and borrowed skipping ropes, frisbees and small car toys each day. What more could we offer if we dedicated some time to day time activities in what we may call a Summer Activity week?

After speaking with the charity about my ideas, they are fully supporting me to organise a 3 week trip for a group of up to six young people from England. The group will work with a similar size group of School Leavers from the village to work together to plan and deliver about 3-4 hours of activities each day for a 5 day period. It’ll be hot and there’s no idea how many children will turn up each day. But that’s not the point is it? We can’t use models that work in the UK for this as Malawi is very different. That’s why the two groups of young people working together will learn from each other the best way to do things for this community.

At the moment four young people have committed to raising the money they need to be able to go next summer. They have such enthusiasm to learn new skills and ideas from their counterparts in Sitima. They have their plans for what they’d like to share in the Summer School – music, drama, sports, science, English, sewing, health education. It was a joy to listen to them talk about their passions and what they’d each like to share.

There’s a long way to go to get on the plane (which is the most expensive part of the experience), but their determination to make a small difference to this community and a massive difference to themselves from the adventure is incredible. I know they’ll make a success of trip. I’m simply there as a guide and encourager.

Just like William, the Boy who Harnessed the Wind, young people have such imagination and the talent to make change. Let’s support them and make a difference to the education of one village in Malawi.

Can you help? Join the Sitima Supporters group and get to know the young people’s ideas.

I’d be happy to come to your group and talk about my experience as well as the plans for the Summer School and how you can get involved. Get in touch and let’s chat.

5 tips for being consistent to create success

being consistent is key to successConsistency is key to success.

Jack Hughes, age 15.

That’s what my son told me on the way home from run training on Thursday. He’d been discussing it with his running mates, and they agreed that when they were consistent they improved more. They could feel the difference in their performance. He told me it wasn’t about being quick or slow, or even completing the session that was set. It was about doing something every day.

He’s noticed that consistency in his school work helps too. He’s learnt that to do some French word revision every day helps him retain and grow in understanding the language.

Isn’t it fascinating that we can learn lessons from all parts of life and apply them to others?

What does your week look like when you’re consistent? What does it feel like?

And what does it look and feel like when you’re inconsistent?

Quite different I imagine! It is in my life!

Some people talk about “being in the flow” and feeling that nothing can go wrong when they’re in this state. I find that this state comes when I’m focused and am being consistent in my approach and work over the past few days.

5 tips for being consistent

That’s the big question isn’t it? HOW to do it. You know that it reaps results, but how do you get there?

  1. Know the result you’re aiming for.

For my son, he’s got a goal of being in his county team for national cross country championships, and doing well (he hasn’t defined that any further, but he will closer to the event). And he’s working towards some grade goals for his GCSEs next summer which he’s set himself. He’s clear what his goals are.

Every time he does a piece of work, some revision tests or reading, or goes for a run or does his pilates session, he knows why he’s doing it. Some days he doesn’t feel like doing it, so may not work at 100% effort. But that’s OK. Each step is a step however big or small it is, and he can see that each step is worth it towards his goals.

KNOW YOUR WHY

Do you know why you’re working towards something?

I often have clients say, “I have to create content on social media”. “Why?” Is my response. What purpose does sharing a post on social media have for you? How is it helping towards your long term goal?

If you’re clear about why you’re doing something, it makes it much easier to take small steps and do little things which help you achieve your goal. For example, if you’re trying to grow your online presence to share your expertise with a wider audience, then sharing social media posts consistently helps you be visible to your potential audience. If your audience doesn’t use social media channels, then it’s probably not the best thing you can do with your time to be continually posting online.

  1. Know what time you’ve got available to work towards your goal.

Life is busy, and we all have many responsibilities and interests which take our time. There may be fixed things you have to do, (sleep is one of them!) that you have to do every day. You may have some weekly activities you’re involved with. Put these in your diary or schedule first.

Once you’ve got your regular activities and commitments in your schedule you can see more easily what time you’ve got available for your work towards your goals. It may be that this month you’ve only got an hour a week. That’s fine. Use the time effectively and you’ll still be making progress. Remember, consistency is key.

  1. Work out what’s the most important next step

There’s lots of different ways to get to the top of the mountain. Once you know what you’re wanting to achieve, and you’ve identified the time you’ve got to work towards it, you need to know what your next step is.

There may be some things which have to happen first. For example, if you’re making a cake, you need to buy ingredients before you can weigh them out. You have to do some things in a certain order.

So what’s the most important thing for you right now?

  • Make connections?
  • Set up a structure or system?
  • Create some product?
  • Make some more space in your week to work on your ideas?

Whatever it is, think about the order you need to do things in.

  • Do you need to create a piece of art before you go to the gallery to ask for exhibition space?
  • Do you need to know how much your item will cost to produce before you set your pricing structure?
  • Do you need to have some product to sell before you meet an interested group of customers?
  • Do you need more training to grow in confidence about your service?
  1. Write your tasks in your schedule

My son has a revision timetable. He has scheduled time in his week to revise, and he’s set himself small tasks to do in those available times.

If you’ve got a list of things you want to do, and time available to do them, sometimes it’s matching the time to the task. Some tasks take longer than others, so you need to assign that time accordingly. Other tasks you may be able to fit in to smaller slots of time. Checking emails for example can be done in smaller chunks of time than creating a piece of artwork!

In our house we have a rule, “if it’s not in the diary it’s not happening”. In theory whatever goes in the diary first is what we commit to. The boys know that if they put things in the diary we’ll help them to do it, and they take this into their weekly planning now too.

  1. Take action

It’s all well and good having all these great plans, but if you don’t do anything nothing will happen. So follow your schedule, do the tasks and keep being consistent. If it’s one hour a week, or five hours a day, you’re making progress towards your goal.

Some days will be harder than others to do everything you’ve scheduled. Life happens. Phone calls interrupt you. New opportunities you didn’t expect show up. But what you’ll find is that if you stick as closely as you can to your scheduled tasks is that by being consistent you’ll see growth.

Growth could be personal growth. Learning how to do things better. Understanding what’s best for you and trying out new ways of doing things.

Business growth can also be seen well through being consistent. A client told me that when she posted daily on one of her social media accounts when she physically met people they’d talk to her about her posts. They weren’t necessarily turning into sales each day she posted, but by opening up the conversation just by being consistent in one area of her marketing it allowed her potential customers to know what she did and how she could help them. It made her more accessible to those people who were happy to talk about her posts, which led on to talking about her services.

Being consistent is about working towards your long term goals. Each step or task helps you move a little bit closer. Even if you find you need a slightly different path, you wouldn’t have discovered that without being consistent in your approach.

How will you find out how being consistent can help you?

You are most likely part way there, and feel like you’re falling off the wagon when your schedule gets disrupted. At least you’re on the wagon most of the time! It can feel frustrating when you have good weeks and bad weeks, high days and low days.

I’ve often found it helps if I have someone I’m accountable to apart from myself and my diary. When I work with my coaches I always set tasks and then write them in my diary. I check back in with them to update them on my progress. It helps to keep me focused.

The Action Learning Sets (or mastermind groups if you prefer that name) I’ve created also help you stay focused, and support you each step of the way. I currently have some spaces in the Lancashire meet up, 2nd Tuesday every month and the online group, 3rd Wednesday every month. If you’d like to learn more, book an explore call.

Do you have any tips for being consistent in your life? Please leave a comment below.